March 23, 2012


Toronto is in the midst of the warmest March in recorded history. No, really, I checked out the Hall of Records, which is a lovely Germanic-style vault located in the catacombs of the city's top ranked Subway franchise. The previous record was set in 1925 when the city's temperature reached a scorching 32 degrees Celsius due to a combination of a large, aggressive warm front as well as the unexpected eruption of the Hogtown volcano.

For you outsiders, the volcano was the sight of the final battle between Ken Toronto and David Brampton. Toronto was victorious and cast Brampton's golden shirt into the molten lava ending a decades old land struggle that started because of a stolen lemonade recipe. Anyway, by 1925 the 'cano was used mostly for sledding and BBQs, and by the fall of the next year, it was replaced with the Royal York Hotel.

But hey, if you wanted a history lesson you'd go read a KFC bucket, right?

Liv and I used the warm weather as a sign we should finally clean our place, which was beginning to take on the kind of smell produced when you leave an old lawnmower in a shed for awhile. Because of my hand injury, we hadn't cleaned in about 3 months, and I found enough crumbs in and around the couch to feed an entire poorly-catered, poorly-attended family reunion.

My most hated part of cleaning is mopping the floors because I'm never confident I'm doing it right. Is it: dunk, squeeze, on floor, squeeze, dunk OR is it dunk, on floor, squeeze OR dunk, squeeze, on floor, dunk, squeeze? Is there one right way or does everyone have their own style?

I shouldn't have even brought it up. There's a million better things to do in warm weather than clean. Take yesterday for example, I did laundry. That's still cleaning in a sense, but I think it's more akin to babysitting.


I wrote all that yesterday, and today it's not as warm or nice so there's no point in furthering the conversation.


Take off your tie, throw it in the pot and make yourself some Business Tea, it's Friday! To reward you for all your hard work I've put together this week's treat. Don't read it all in one bite.

This isn't even really a treat because it's probably not that interesting or funny to anyone who didn't create it or know us in high school, but here's a web site me and my best pals made back then:

My writing style hasn't changed all that much except I don't swear as much, nor do I accuse everyone in the world of being some variation of a "ball licker". It was the style back then, it wasn't my fault.

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