I'M SO SORRY

I'm back from vacation, with a new tan, new flip flops and new new new.

Does "new" sound weird now? Yeah it does!

I was in the Dominican Republic for a week for some much needed sunshine. If you've never been to an all-inclusive resort, be prepared to share it with one of two types of people:

1) Spring Break idiots: When I went to Cancun when I was 19, the city was full of these people. I guess we (our high school graduation class) were kind of Spring Break idiots too, but I'd much rather convince myself that we were model Canadian youths, merely there to experience a different culture and maybe read a few books on the beach.

2) Canadian/UK middle-aged "dudes" and their "wives" and maybe "children": These guys where nylon sport suits and/or Maple Leaf paraphenilia, drink Tim Hortons coffee in the airport, smoke and usually have solid bellies. They also bring their own big mugs for alcoholic drinks in order to maximize efficiency. The guys from the UK are pretty much the same expect they wear soccer gear instead of hockey. These guys like to party and not wear shirts.

It's my birthday tomorrow and I'm turning 26. How do I feel about this you ask? Pretty bad because I don't like 26 year olds. They're generally full of themselves and have HUUUUUGE butts. In my 26th year I plan on doing more Yoga, finally getting around to starting that men's magazine I've been thinking about that features naked women fishing and skiing, and maybe leasing an ATV. We'll see. You can send birthday gifts through my publicist, Rudolph Cisnekskileewold at PO Box 656565, Santa Monica CA. Be sure to leave your name and address so I can send you back and autographed 8X10 of my in my Tennis whites.