February 15, 2010



Live from the hills of Ontario's capital

Word out of Vancouver is that most athletes are really enjoying the variety of breakfasts available at the first Olympiad of this young decade.

"Yesterday I had maple eggs and today the chef made something called chocolate toast. In the U.S.A. we eat this sweet pastry called a pancake," said Team USA curler Bill Peaf.

Breakfast is the commonly the second most important meal for these athletes next to mid-morning fondue. A selection of animal cheeses have been procurred by IOC appointed milk maid, Honk Peters.

"These athletes need the healthiest milk-based cheeses available, but what's the point if it doesn't taste great? Whether they're preparing 'dues in the comfort of their hotel rooms using hair dryers and ice buckets or whether Vancouver's best chefs are doing the melting, rest assured they're getting the tastiest. I even brought in some hawk cheese from Edmonton which tastes like pure hot dogs. A gold medal cheese if there ever was one. Hahaha. Seriously, it won a gold medal last year in London."

Meals aside, the athletes are also enjoying a wide variety of entertainment in and around the athletes' village. Comedian Stones Har Har set Whistler ablaze with his unique brand of cultural stereotyping. One of our reporters managed to transcribe a portion of Stones' set on Saturday night in front of a packed house:

What do you get when you cross a Chinese athlete, a Spanish athlete and a Swiss athlete? Some paella and a bunch of gold medals! Hahahahaha. Seriously though folks, who do you think will win hockey gold? I'd say the Czechs because they were born to check. (Stones spits into the crowd) Did I hit any Jamaican athletes? Probably not, there's only one of them! And what's with that biathalon? You know, skiing with guns? The USA should win that one no problem. Or as I call that country, "Uzi, eh?". Finally, I wish the Swiss team all the best in these Olympics. That was cheesy!

Don't forget, whether you're watching from home or live in Vancouver, the winter Olympics are about one thing - commerce and broadcasting.

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