September 2, 2010



Sometimes I forgo my nightly prayers as a "come on, man" to God for blessing me with a pinhead. But this summer I've had the last laugh, because smaller head means smaller surface area means I can dodge the heat a lot easier than the marshmallow domes I see bobblin' around our city streets.

I've spoken at length on this issue in prior entries as well as part of my stage material, so I'll skip any further discussion and instead talk a little turkey.

I was at my childhood best friend's house once during childhood and his mom was mad at him for some reason and she said something like "later on you and I are going to talk turkey", to which he replied, "I'd rather talk hot dogs". For awhile that was the funniest retort I'd ever heard, and still remains in the top 10.

The fact that my mind chooses to remember that and not the teachings of Marshall McLuhan - a main event topic in almost every University class I ever took - tells me that I was born to be silly, and will remain as such probably until I give birth. At that point I will talk hot dogs to him or her every night before bed, ensuring the Earth keeps a smile on its face and a fart in its joke book.

There should be a movie where the world turns super serious because of a Business School Overlord, and this guy who used to be a clown but now works in answering phones at a garbage complaint line has twins (a boy and a girl) and they turn out to be the two funniest kids the world has ever seen, since maybe Macaulay Culkin or Raven Symonne. So they have to go around and tell jokes and stuff, but the government gets all pissed and sends the cops after them in an effort to lock them in a room and have them watch A Clockwork Orange all day, especially that scene where the guy has to watch all that shit. The bad man finally catches them while they're doing improv in the sewers to the Rebellion, and when they're put in the room you think they're doomed but then they fart their way out of it and do a big show at Wembley Stadium.

Greg - Sis, I think we're finally cooked on this one!
Gregine - Yeah bro, now I know, I think we should say a prayer. I'll start.
Greg - Well said.
Guard - Had enough yet you... hey, what is that smell?
Gregine - My butt just coughed. What's your excuse?
Greg - Now's our chance!
Gregine - Let's go to England, I hear they used to be the silliest
Greg - I also hear they're the ugliest
Gregine - hahahaha

The film

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