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September 24, 2010

A NEW GENERATION OF BANDANA WEARERS

I'm still pretty hungover from the 500th Post VIP event held last night at PUD Loungé. We even ordered one of those champagne dogs, trained to sniff out cologne and perfume and bring you the trendiest drinks in a little purse around its neck. Ours was named 'Arthur' I believe.

Now that I'm 500 posts deep, it's time to start campaigning content for the one thou synth post spectacular, this being my first attempt.

Recently, I was riding the subway, and across from sat this gaggle of eastern Europeans who were all dressed in the same colour palette of tans, greys, khakis and light blues. I tried to take a video to show the world, this being the Internet age after all, but I don't think you can truly appreciate the symmetry unless you were there:


video

They were dressed the way aliens would if they came to Earth and took human forms. It was like they were kind of stylish, but there was just something slightly off, and the fact that they all matched even though they were wearing unique pieces made me sweat. I should've given them the alien test as invented by my friend Jon -- just offer them a banana, and if they say they're allergic then they're aliens. Since humans are evolved from monkeys and monkeys' favourite food is bananas, then naturally all humans are receptive to those yellow mushers.

I don't claim to be a fashion expert or anything, but I've watched my fair share of Fashion Television, mostly thanks to my dad who tuned in because it was the only place you could see naked chicks for free on a Sunday afternoon. It was a great learning tool for a young man, as I was able to appreciate the body of a mature woman while learning about Tom Ford. That guy hasn't aged a day since I was a boy!

It was with this keen fashion eye that I spotted this image promoting a Vancouver Community College's fashion program on a newswire website the other day:

There's a lot to discuss here. I think you could sum it up by saying "Captain Jack Scarecrow". The outfit isn't horrible, but it's not flattering in any way and those net mittens make the model look like she (he?) is trapped in a cybernetic concentration camp. The shoes look as if they were stolen from the reject bin from the wardrobe department of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and there appears to be what looks like a tail hanging from the back? I've never seen a person wear a tail who I haven't wanted to pour a milkshake on.

The main issue with this image is the photo itself, which looks like the photo of a model from America's Next Top Model who gets kicked out in the very first episode. Here's what the judges had to say:

"Girl, why you cover that pretty face up with all that hair?"
"It looks like a still from a Michael Jackson video"
"This just ain't sexy, girl"
"You look like a ballerina from 'RENT'"

This is student work, so it's unfair to be hard on the designer, but of all the pictures to send out to the media, this was the best one?

CLARIFICATION

A lot of ladies were highly turned on by the photo gracing the cover of post 500, and wondered what was up. They were taken by a man named Farris in a European hostel some four years ago, with my Liv present, as a way for me to give back some beauty to Mother Earth, since she's given me so much (lakes). I fully understand someone questioning my sexuality after this information as well as this fashion-centric post, but I can assure you that even though I appreciate handsomeness and a good pair of slacks, my "compass" will always point "north" for "babes".

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