December 11, 2012


I was perusing my blog stats today and I noticed that the number of posts per year have declined significantly since my heyday back in 2009. There are several reasons for this but the biggest is probably the fact that  this millionaire threatened to fill my house with snakes if I didn't satisfy his cravings for top notch Internet entertainment. In 2010 he was killed by a janitor who was being forced by the millionaire to spray paint pro-steak graffiti all over Chicago. Remember that? It started a brief war between tofu lobbyists and the Beef Brigade that culminated in a historic peace meal at Wrigley Field. If you subscribe to National Geographic you'll know all the details, but basically there was a hot table set up at each base and an umpire brandishing a 2x4 to make sure everyone got along.

Anyway, I noticed that last year I wrote a total of 50 posts. Not bad. That works out to around 25 posts a month, per day. This year I'm sitting at a lean 44 with but 20 moons left. My goal is to beat that total just in case a potential employer comes around and notices that my style  is to peak early then steadily decline. Guess I'd guess I'd have no problem getting hired at Hewlett-Packard!

I could just stop here and allow the above to count as post 45 but that would be cheating and people who cheat end up in embarrassing themselves at belching contests because who would cheat at a belching contest? Ahaha, joking, I did. You know how? No, beans are legal. I wore a big coat and filled it with beavers.

Alligator Shoes?


I'm seeking footage of a man or woman wearing regular-sized alligators as shoes. Picture this - one gator on each foot and some sort of rein system. I bet you a hundred dollies that Julius Caesar tried this at least once.

Was it James Bond or Indiana Jones who rides an alligator down a snowy hill like it were a common sled?

  • Location: Toronto
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How do u throw out soup?


I was home alone this past weekend and I found myself hungry for soup. I had one of those large cans of Habitant on hand and even though it would be too much for one man to eat, I made it anyway. Obviously I didn't finish the whole thing but when it came time to dispose of it I didn't know what to do.

Do you just throw the whole thing out in the garbage? I don't like this option because I like my garbage to remain dry. Moisture and garbage go together like water and mogwais, know what I mean?

Do you throw the whole thing down the drain? A minestrone is a hearty soup filled with beans and pasta. I don't like the idea of a sink clog due to soup.

Do you first strain the liquid into the sink then throw out the chunks? I think this is the correct answer, but if it is then how come you never see them do it in movies?

  • Location: Toronto
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