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July 26, 2010

HECTIC RECTUMS

FILM REVIEW

Christopher Nolan's INCEPTION
Starring Leonardo DiCaprio

Spoilers Ahead

INCEPTION. Where to start? Here we have a film helmed by the same man who had the audacity to tell Batman what to do on TWO separate occasions. In this one he orders around the world's most famous Italian-American, Leonardo DiCaprio, who once again shows us that a River Phoenix haircut and a plot about a dead wife is what he's all about.

INCEPTION follows some snazzy dressers who fall asleep on a plane and then play serious games in each other's dreams. Leo, the most stylish of the bunch, is all topsy turvy because his wife keeps showing up in his dream games and doesn't once show him her "T-Balls". Him and his model friends, plus Ellen "Stephen" Page, are on a mission to make Cillian Murphy forget that his dead dad hates him so that Ken Watanabe's business doesn't go under. I don't remember/wasn't told what his business is, so let's go ahead and assume he manufactures hose.

Meanwhile, Leo faces murder charges back in his hometown of America, and Ken promises he'll have the charges pooed away if Leo can successfully brainwash Murphy without his clothed wife scaring him too bad. Watanabe must be one hell of a hose man to wield that kind of power. "Welcome to Ken's Hose - We hose the world (you know, that green kind of hose that everyone has)."

The Hollywood Machine

This movie is better than "A Nightmare on Elm Street", worse than the "Matrix", and better than "Willow", which my friends Andy and Greg claim is the best movie to judge other movies against.

PROS

- Even though the dream sequences in the movie don't look like my dreams (not enough surf boards and candy buffets), they were still done very well. Christopher Nolan wrote this guy himself, so one can only assume that the dreamscapes in the film are based on his own, meaning he dreams about upside down cities, James Bond snow fortresses and handsome men in suits with cool jobs.

JOES

- Learning the rules of dream-playing was like learning how to piss -- you have to learn it to better understand the world around you, but you'd rather just piss your pants. No, wait.... well it's kind of the same thing. Better than Willow.

I give this movie an "a-okay" and a "neat camerawork, Chris". I want Leo to do a comedy next because I think the public views him as a well-respected Principal type who always shows up to football games but never to the annual silly fashion show where there's always a nude or two. Did your school have those? Yeah, mine neither.


4 comments:

Highwaisted said...

oh man im digging up my fashion show pics and posting asap!

Duke of Spook said...

ahahahaha, we actually did have them too, and I was head model

Anonymous said...

oh man! spoilers!! I've decided to forget that I've read this.

Thanks a lot man.

Duke of Spook said...

Was that a sarcastic "Thanks a lot man"? There's no way you'll forget that you've read this, my words have a tendency to glue themselves onto most modern memories

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