YOU'VE BEEN SOCKED

HOLY SHIRT, it's September, the month kids and teachers hate more than school itself. Me? I don't mind September anymore because I no longer require school, and the only September milestones of interest to me are Labour Day weekend and my dear sister's birthday, two events that rate high on the positivity chart.

The positivity chart

I'll be closing out summer at the last Water Ski Pro Am of the summer, up at Lake Squinch, a 10 minute bike ride from Sudbury's western-most shore.

Now Where's Waldo that sentence and pick out what's not true.

The answer?

Everything but the part about closing out summer, which I'll automatically be doing because I don't have control over the months! We should though. Whoever named those things pooed in holes and didn't know what the sun was. The next politician I want to vote for should have to calzones to change the names of the months, because let's face it -- the current ones are old and highly unfashionable. The only two things that have remained cool since humans became smart are fire and dreams, and everything else, including months and handshakes, are replaceable.

Just looking at this thing makes me want to puke.

All we have to do is keep the first letter of each month the same so we don't lose track of everything, like when they changed the name of the SkyDome to the Rogers Centre. Remember that? During Blue Jays games people were lined up at the stadium looking for a deal on Internet while baseball fans were left utterly perplexed, retreating to local eateries for caesar flavoured foods.

Here are some names I propse:

JEEP® presents The First Month (proceeds from sale of naming rights will go toward pants for kids)

Fun? No, Too Cold

Morch

Almost Miff's

Miff's

Jake the Month Roberts

Jokes

Arm Your Bathing Suits

Shit

Only A Couple More

NovemBeer

Dude. Christmas.

Just to give you an idea of how fun this would be, today is Shit the 1st and I was born on Almost Miff's 8th, 1982. Write your local Mayor!