HONK ONCE FOR WASPS, TWICE FOR YOU'RE TIRED

CANADA DAY LONG WEEKEND

Canada, a country the whole world sees as being just fine, is turning 145 years old on Sunday. July is a strange time to have a birthday considering most foreigners think we got icy nips 365 out of 365, but I'm not complaining, July is when anyone across the country can make their own raisins.

To commemorate this great place that I've jammed in my whole life, I've written lyrics to a brand new birthday song that reflects our multiculturalism and relative young age compared to old heavy hitters such as Niger. I hope that singing this song around a bucket of cake will become your family's July 1 tradition for years to come.

"We're Canada"

It's a big fuckin' place with lots of great lakes

And we make the syrup that goes on your 'cakes

It's a friendly mass full of black oil and gas

And we invented sports, milk, pizza and jazz

We're not a bunch of assholes, just visit and see

We call soda 'pop' and we fuckin' love trees

We're CANADA!

Home of the best

We're CANADA!

This is our nest

We're CANADA!

We put gravy on fries

Let's get naked and watch that flag rise

We breed huge meese and the plumpest of geese

And when it gets cold we eat soup and wear fleece

We make lots of jokes about U.S.A. folks

And we bike with tennis balls stuck in our spokes

Our money looks awesome, and healthcare is free

Rest in Peace Mr. Dressup and John Candy

We're CANADA!

Home of the best

We're CANADA!

This is our nest

We're CANADA!

We're an attractive lot

Check out all the big fuckin' fish that we've caught

[Freestyle Hip Hop Interlude by the Rascalz]

[Reggae Interlude by Snow]

[Guitar Solo]

[Church Choir chanting]

Happy Birthday to my country dad

I can't believe all the fun we've had

From Nova Scotia all the way to BC

Fuckin' true north strong and free


And for those sticking around this weekend, I'll be hosting a fireworks potluck on the roof of the Eaton Centre starting at sundown. Don't bother bringing chips because I have a potato guy who's hooking me up with six sacks of PEI's finest. I'm going to debut a new type of home fry that might help bring molasses back into the mainstream.