HOLY MUCK DANNY, I HAVEN'T HEARD SO MANY GROOVES SINCE THE LEGION HIRED THAT TEENAGER

Oh boy, boys, another weekend ended, bringing us closer to Christmas, the holiday of toys, the precursor to the new year of 2010 (two years until Mayan apocalypse aka PARTY TIME), Santa's shittiest day and the part of the year we want snow.

On Friday I went to the Raptors game, which was fun because I was surrounded by A-1 pals, but bad because the Raptors played like stupid baby herbivore dinosaurs, and because the weirdest, smelliest family was sitting in front of us, which had us all plugging our noses and shaking our heads.

Them? Not them? Not them.

The gang was led by a stubby woman with mad perma-scowls and a shitty fro who raised her kids in the worst possible way -- she ordered them around and yelled like crazy, yet spoiled and babied them as well. One kid looked like he was around 8 and he acted like a three year old, while the other kid was caked in mustard stains, swore like a sailor and was trapped in a fantasy world. At one point they were getting more candy from a vendor and the mom asked "what you want, popcorn or licorice, you can only have one," and the mustard kid goes "Pop pop pop pop pop licorice", which Andy thought was an attempt to trick the mom into getting him both. In the end all three got their own bag of licorice, which is highly unnecessary, especially considering they were four buckys a bag.

After that I went to the Constantines 10 year anniversary show, which brought back memories of university while inciting feelings of getting old, as we were surrounded by a lot of young bucks who seemed to know the back half of the band's catalogue as opposed to the preferred first half. There isn't much more to say about that except that guitars are great and beers taste good.

Then on Saturday I completed the final home leg of the sports road trip with a visit to Canada's Hockey Hall of Fame. I watched a stunning documentary on Mark Messier, stole a John Muckler sticker from the "dynasties" exhibit and licked every pane of glass that housed a jersey I was fond of.

Great gravy, it's time to go. Here are some things you should do today:

Find some dogs
Buy a nudey mag and an Eat More, then say to the cashier, "Mondays, eh?"
Tell your dad about your favourite undies and why
Design a flag and pitch it to City Hall and don't take "no" for an answer