TEEN WOLF WOULDN'T LAST TWO SECONDS IN TODAY'S MODERN WORLD

I'm not satisfied with the words, sentences and punctuation I birthed this week, and if you feel the same way I apologize and would like to make it up to you with an all-expenses paid trip to the mountains, where you'll enjoy dizzying heights, gaping gulches and air thinner than Tracy Gold.

I'd feel really bad if you were paying for this service, but since any wing wang with a modem and a boring day can access all this shit, it doesn't really matter, although my integrity and reputation as a smile chef are at stake at ALL times.

An intro like that means I probably don't have much to say, and it's true! I do have some fun comedy shows coming up, including my return to stand-up after a long hiatus on Sunday at Laugh Sabbath, and JET FIGHTER PILOTS at this awesome thing on Monday:

Being on the same bill as all those amazings feels better than a sleep in a sunny cotton field with unlimited lemonade. You guys should all come for sure because if you don't I'll telepathically send some mind roosters to keep you awake for a million days straight, or until you come over with some imported cherry flavoured cola just for me.

NEW LINK ADDED

Click your mouse or navigate your track ball over to the Internet space occupied by the hilarious, mother brain of TV show HOT BOX, Pat Thornton. He's got some Christmas stories that you're not allowed to steal, but feel free to read and share them with that special sex partner in your life.