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This whole thing where ladies where tights and as pants is getting real big. It started out as a trend created by hot, leggy, round butts, then spread quickly to hipsters and the type of female who looks like the Jersey Shores. But now everyone is getting in on the act, including people who are too concerned with following trends to stop and think about what they're doing. Just yesterday I saw a lady who was not thin, walking down the street wearing not even tights but pure pantyhose as pants, showing just about everything, including her barely there underpants and every peak and valley of her surface. Ladies -- don't forget -- pants are still cool. If you're proud of your wiggler and want dudes to stare at at, then by all means, wear as little pants as possible. But if you think it's only the only option, think again.

With that I give you my FAVOURITE TRENDS OF 2009:

- Eating soup through licorice tubes then saving the licorice to wager at a monthly Pog Tournament at any local sports bar

- Tricking the elderly into buying hockey cards, saying they'll need them if they ever want to withdraw money ever again

- Tattoos of your favourite report card

- Calling pants "Leg Socks", socks "Foot Coats" and hats "Hair"

- Calling a pizza a "Cheesy Stuart"

- Claiming you're related to Tom Green and proving it by calling a friend of yours who will back up your story and who is also pretending to be related to Tom Green but to an entirely different group of people

- Sweating a lot just so you look wet and can brag that you have a pool that you don't have

- Filling your toilet with sand and making a garden and then shitting in your outside garden

My favourite real trend of the year is hamburgers. In Toronto there's been a huge flood of gourmet beef places, and for a cow lover like me, it's the best thing that could happen in '09 next to the fabled re-launching of Triples cereal.