START HOPING THAT YOU WISH UP A DREAM

First off, is this guy for real? So many things hit you in the face in this video. First you're like, "come on really?" Then you see his face and he gets into that jeep and you're like, "no way." Then he starts singing and you go "oh man..." I say this with no hyperbole: This is one of the worst music videos I've ever seen. The combination of the way the guy looks (a 30 year old from Scarborough who tries to look like a 20 year old from Santa Cruz), his shitty, whiny voice and the video itself, which was seemingly conceived by a group of high school students working on a project. The concept? "Things young people do when they go to the beach". The pyramid KILLS me.

Okay I'm fine now. I'm good. Here's a couple of things that happened to me yesterday:

I was outside the Eaton Centre and a guy and his girlfriend came up to me and needed to ask me something. I removed my headphones and the guy goes "Is there an Urban Planet around here?" I told him I didn't know and he gave me this look like he was mad at me. I don't where Urban Planet is! Did he mean Urban Outfitters? I know where that is. There's two! Did he think I was lying? Why would I lie about that? If I ever see that dickhead on the street again I'm going to ask him about a store that doesn't exist and then I'm going to tell him that he has the face of Blythe Danner which is an insult because he's a man.

"Hey buddy, remember me?"
"No"
"Are you that gu.y that asked about Urban Planet a couple months back?"
"I don't know."
"Do you know where Doodle Greg's is?"
"What's that?"
"They sell RC cars."
"No I don't know where that is."
"YOU'RE A REAAAAAALLLLLL BLYTHE DANNER YOU KNOW THAT? AHAHAHAHAHAH SO LONG!!!"

Would you give me a million dollars if that actually happened? It won't. I'm not that confrontational and I don't remember what the guy looked like. Sorry.

In more disturbing news, I was on the subway and I saw a grown man getting cuddly with a catholic school girl. There had to have been at least a 10 year age difference and since she's in high school there's no way she's over 18. I guess technically it's legal, but there was something so unwholesome about the whole thing, like I was watching a Bruce LaBruce movie, but like, not gay. You'd get a better idea if you saw them yourselves. The guy had tattoos and she had a backpack. He could've been her uncle. And there's no way she was dressed like that because she thought it was cool. For sure high school guy. For sure.

If I see Bret Ryan on the street I think I'm going to have to say something. I once saw Sean Desmond drinking a Slurpee on Bathurst but I didn't have enough time to roll down the window to yell. I probably would've just said "Hey Desmond, slurp my nuts!" But I probably wouldn't have even said that. He could beat me up probably. Last time I weighed myself I was 159 pounds. My winter hamburger weight is all but gone. But don't fret yous. The winter chill is approaching. The hamburgers are on the grill. The fat is in the fryer. This bear is ready to hunt.