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January 22, 2010

MY YEAR BOOK PROFILE SAID I WAS ALL-STATE IN MATING


It's due time to post and inform! Yeah dudes, back up in this techno-sphere with stories and anecdotes that are the antidote to other anecdotes that make you snooze and spit. Let's start it off with the top seed street-level observation that's been sitting in my memory since yesterday:

Yesterday it was raining and I saw a couple drag a pissing dog across the street. They were "pissed" that it was pissing.

On Sunday I played my in my first organized co-ed ball hockey game since last year and we lost real bad to this team of tennis players. They were fit and we were shit. Seriously though, they were winning 9-1 and a guy got mad at me for lifting his stick. For a guy like me who avoids confrontation like Jon Gosselin avoids responsibility (or like Kate Gosselin avoids competent style advice OR like Mady Gosselin avoids being a pleasant human child), this was strange. I've had little hockey arguments before throughout my illustrious career, spanning house leagues, rep leagues and the Adult Safe Hockey League, but I still don't like it and I consider myself so reasonable that I figure I'm always right so I project an attitude of "don't bother pal, you're being a twerp."

Last weekend I made my triumphant return to the Dixie Value Mall. I was hoping it was the same as when I was 13 and it was! The food court still included Chinese restaurant favourite "TIKI MING", and the Flea Market was exactly the same, including the video game guy who has yet to purchase any games post Playstation 1. Back in the underage days, the Flea Market was the only place some of my questionable friends could buy cigarettes and interesting lighters and steal rock shirts with little to no risk of getting caught. I went for the hockey cards and Star Wars figures.

Finally, how about that Conan O'Brien? That red headed stick dude inspired me to work harder in 2010 when in his farewell monologue he talked about "being kind and working hard". I figure I'm already pretty kind, so all I have to do is figure out how to work hard and I'll be hosting Late Night with Jimmy Fallon starring Glenn in no time. HA. Yeah right, and my hair will grow back and I'll become Canada's Fabio. It'd be a lot easier to become Fabio's Canadian. I wonder if he has one? I know for sure he owns a lot of Pantene and a half decent brush and lots of nice shirts.



4 comments:

scott said...

Ha, nice Jon and Kate triple hit. You're right, Mady IS just plain unpleasant.

What was that guys problem? Lifting the stick is a perfectly acceptable move. Annoying, but acceptable. Especially if you're destroying a lanky beardo like you by 8 goals. It's my go-to defensive move in the NHL games.

Also, I wish I saw that dog.

Duke of Spook said...

I feel like I've used that dog picture before.

highwaisted said...

i love the dixie value mall flea market. they always gave me the most money for my cds.

Duke of Spook said...

hahahaha I forgot to mention that! I regret selling so many of my CDs there. Well kind of. Beastie Boys, Pearl Jam, Stone Temple Pilots, Nirvana, Nine Inch Nails. That is where my 90's collection resides.

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