January 15, 2009


Want to see the most beautiful thing I've ever photographed? I was staring out my window at work and I saw the tracks that the cars make in the dirty old parking lot below and it made me realize.....I'm not scared anymore....and it was.....beautiful.....American Beautiful....American Beauty.....Kevin Spacey.....Academy Award winner

AHHAHAH just kidding. But I do like looking at the patterns the tires make in the parking lot. It's not American beautiful but it beats checking my Hotmail for the 78th time. Get it? All I do at work all day is go in the Internet and then read press releases. MY LIFE. Remember that movie "Mad House" and that shit kid mows "FUCK" into the lawn? Starring Kirstie Alley and maybe John Laroquette?


I have a queue of things I'd like to talk about and I can't decide which ones to elaborate on. Since I promised you butt yesterday I think I'll go with that.

Acting on advice from my sister, I decided that I'm old enough to go out and find my own doctor. I have a family doctor in Mississauga who took us on after our regular doctor retired sometime ago. I don't like this newer doctor. She's not very friendly and her rating on is poor at best. She always asks about diet whenever I go in there and I'm like "Yeah I eat okay, but I indulge in the odd pizza, the odd burger, but I'm only human" and EVERY TIME she's like "you need to eat more whole grains and fruits". No duh lady. I also should be drinking 9 glasses of water a day, eating 56 vegatables and like, sprinkling flax seed on everything, but my diet is my choice AMEN.

Last time I went to her was maybe 2 years ago or something when I was complaining about my ass and how I thought I had hemmorhoids. When it came time for her to check things out down there, she gave off this vibe of "I really don't want to do this right now" which I fully understand, but come on lady, I don't really want a finger up my ass either, but it's your job and I want to feel better. You'd think a doctor would either act fine and routine about it, or they'd inject a little humour. Well she didn't and it made the situation even more uncomfortable than it had to be. She actually did give me some good advice and informed me it wasn't hemmorhoids much to my relief, but our relationship isn't strong enough for another butt check if a butt check is needed in the future.

So recently my stomach has been acting like a reealllllllll shithead and I decided I should seek medical advice but not from Mrs. Apprehensive About My Touching My Butt. It seems I've found a new doctor downtown whose ratings are off the charts based on a recommendation from my older, wiser sister. I have to go in for a review or something first and I'm uncertain as to whether I should discuss butts because he might be like "Geez I don't want to deal with more butts", know what I'm saying? But maybe he'll be funny about it. Fingers crossed!

Have I talked about that doctor's appointment before? I feel like I have. It's a good story though. I'm the type of dude who will go to the doctor when anything is wrong with me, not one of those macho types who's scared to admit their butt aches. That's a message to everyone out there. We get to go for free so we might as well go when there's something going down. I'm always scared I have cancer. Apparently Howie Mandel is like that too. Blood brothers guy. I always defend Howie but it's getting tougher and tougher, what with his new hidden camera show and all.

Don't forget to catch the sun and be a beautiful, shining star in everything you do! You're unique and special and you have no reason to be afraid! May the light bathe you this day!

Does that caption fit that photo?? ahhahaha I think it does. Pat on the back.


cara said...

that woman doctor sounds like a major loser. i like these medically-themed releases... i mean, blog entries. i also contemplated taking a picture of the parking lot that SAME DAY.

Duke of Spook said...

Unfortunately, that's the extent of my physical ills. I'm going to the new doctor next thursday. Full report to follow.

edgarnow said...

one things ive liked doing recently is right when i wake up i take my big jug of filtered room temperature water and down about half a gallon of it (like 2 litres?). It comes out anyway. Oh what strage things ive discovered in my intestines from this! very good for the whole system.

There have been a few wise people who have suggested this, one of them is here:

I always like to yogic solution to things cause they never cost anything and although some things seem strange (like vomiting 4 hours after eating to clear out undigestable waste), you never have to hurt yourself to heal yourself.

highwaisted said...

dude, i am so behind in your blog. i need like a whole half day of my boss being gone to read everything.


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