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January 16, 2009

LET'S STOP BEING SERIOUS FOR A SECOND AND GET REALLY MAD INSTEAD

Yesterday we talked about my butt and the day before that I complained about phones. I think we should lighten the mood around here.



Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Okay, today I think I'm going to discuss "Reasonable Trends" as part of my ongoing series, "Observe and Analyze Something Dumb Fridays". Are you ready? Do you have your coat on? Why don't you bring some of those hand warmer things? They're next to the change bowl. Do you still have that Thermos I gave you for your birthday? There's some savoury stew on the stove (alliteration city, so sick) that is PIPING hot. Yeah, fill that up. I put a secret herb in this time...okay, okay, it's TARRAGON. Got your keys? Let's roll.

It's no secret around here that generally speaking, I hate trends. Specifically, clothing trends. Specifically, women's clothing trends. Does this mean I'm sexist? No, I don't think so. I think it's just that women buy more clothes than men for the most part, so there's going to be more crap thrown their way. Some of the crap sticks and other girls see the crap that's stuck and decide they need to get stuck with crap until everyone looks at each other and says "Why are we all covered in shit?" and the trend ends. To sum it up, I hate trends that are so obviously the ones where 20 years down the road people will look at a picture of themselves and say "Why the hell did I wear that?" Here are some examples:

- Those wookiee boots with hairy ball tassels
- Those colourful, patterned hoodies (previously mentioned on post similar to this one. Don't worry, I know where I'm going with this one. There's bound to be a little overlap. I'm not Jesus here. I'm no Perez Hilton)
- Ugg boots worn in silly weather

I thought I'd be able to think about more, but you get the idea right?

Here's the thing - I don't have a problem with a clothing trend if the garment is functional. THESIS. Start taking notes now. Here is my proof:

You see a lot of people, male and female, walking around town with those big Uncle Buck hats these days, right? Solid trend. Those are the warmest hats you can wear in the winter and it's about time they got their time in the spotlight. They're usually associated with Russians, and those guys know the cold weather like T-Pain knows round butts. Or they know cold weather like T-Pain knows big hats. Or like Barack Obama knows politics. HAHAHAHA next time you're having a serious political conversation with your friends and you're in over your head, just say "Agreed. But at the end of the day Barack Obama knows politics." The dumbest thing you could say! Everyone will laugh and you can resume talking about last night's Office.

You also see a lot of women walking around wearing nice, big Sorel boots. Great trend! Warmest, driest boot money can buy. All women should be wearing big boots. It's a bonus that they've become somewhat fashionable. If snow pants could make a comeback, the fashion would be a fully functional, ergonomic snow suit. I'm fine with that!

Remember when everyone had a jacket with a furry hood? It angered me at first, but at the end of the day, that's a warm coat! If everyone ends up looking like Han Solo from the first 25 minutes of The Empire Strikes Back, I'll be a happy man.



Goggles! Get those out of the closet! Keep the wind out man!

What else???????????

The trend of wearing tights as pants is hotly debated. I'm fairly indifferent, but it seems to have the raised self-esteem levels of women everywhere because women of all shapes and sizes have jumped on board. So I guess it's functional in that it has raised confidence levels and also given men exactly what they've always wanted, which is that women's pants can't possibly get any tighter. We've reached the end of the road here. The male dream has come true. I bet it'll be a whole "Don't know what you've got till it's gone" type deal, like in ten years when big, floppy pants will be fashionable and we'll all be saying "Remember when girls wore leotards as pants? That was the best time!" and then we'll use our smartphones to download pictures instantly from www.firstcenturytrends.org and then send them to everyone on our Bell Mobility my 25 contact list and everyone will respond in seconds using their smartphones and then we'll have a video chat and order Chinese food at the touch of a button and we'll meet at the Energy Bar, which serves Turbo Snacks, which is healthy fast food that revolutionizes everything and makes us all Usain Bolts and the every day is sunny. <=== the world I want to live in!

This post didn't really turn out the way I imagined it. I thought it'd be more profound. It kind of feels like when you go into an exam and you think you studied all the right stuff and then the first question is something waaaay different than what you studied and for the rest of the test you're ppppppsssssdddddd. I'm not pissed though. 'Mildly content' would be an appropriate description. Honestly, I thought I'd have more examples to comment on. I really do love that Han Solo picture though.

See you on Monday! I'll take lots of pictures this weekend and we'll have so much fun talking about them!

4 comments:

highwaisted said...

i love that han solo picture too! nice find. this was an excellent post i laughed 5 times. twice outloud.

here are some more trends i can't stand seeing:

those half on toques that you hope makes you look like johnny depp

those friggin freedom scarves

i also thought there were more, but i guess those are the only ones that really peev me.

ok movie time!

Duke of Spook said...

hahahaha yeah Johnny Depp half toques are bad news. I'll keep my eye for more this weekend, because I know they're out there. You should watch a summer romp movie I suggested earlier!

Livers said...

Sorels keep my feet warm and dry at temperatures as low as -40. Now that's fashionable!

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