January 14, 2009


I had a lot of fun planned for today (a discussion on aliases and a candid conversation about doctors) but instead I'm going to outline two recent frustrations that really baked my balls over the past 24 hours.

First off, do you recall a couple of days ago when I talked about all the stuff I got done on the weekend? Pretty cool, right? One of those accomplishments was finding a power cord to an external hard drive. So solid, right? I finally fired up the old tin can last night with hopes of backing up some files etc, but much to my chagrin the thing didn't work! First my computer told me that it couldn't be read so I fiddled around, plugged it back in and it didn't do anything at all.

When dealing with computer matters such as these, I usually swear a lot, wiggle some wires and if that doesn't work I wait until the next day with hopes that tiny creatures of the night will come in and fix it while I sleep and when they're done they dance on my bed playing woodwinds and string instruments the likes which this universe has never seen. I was disappointed this morning to find out that these creatures did not make the trip from their shining ruby caves into my apartment and thus did not use their tiny, intricate jewel tools to fix my problem. It is at this point that I call my dad and get him to look at it. If he says "it's screwed" then I throw it out.

And that's what happens every time I have a problem with a computer. So if I ever mention a computer problem in passing use this formula and you can put it all together without me having to explain it: Computer problem = swearing + fiddling / waiting X frustration + call my dad.

That's not real math but you get the idea.

That last problem was peanuts compared to the frustration felt when I tried to call Enbridge (A gas company) this morning for the simple reason of having the name on my bill changed from my landlord's to mine. Bear with me, you're in for a scenic ride!

First, some background information:

- I moved into this place in September
- Every month I got a mysterious bill with my address but with my landlord's name from Enbridge
- Called landlord, he checked it out and said it was for a water heater rental and previous tenant must have put it in his name when he moved out
- Landlord told me to call Enbridge and get it straightened out. No problem.

It's also important to note that for some reason, the water heater is property of Direct Energy but Enbridge Gas handles the billing. Sound confusing? Just you wait.

So first I call Enbridge because the bill is from Enbridge and is emblazoned with the Enbridge logo so logic would follow that I call Enbridge.

After a couple of attempts I finally get a human being on the phone.

I say "I have a water heater and I need to change the name on my bill"

Then this BITCH goes "We don't do water heaters, it's not us"

So I say, "Then why does my bill say Enbridge on it?"

She explains how they do the billing FOR SOME REASON and she transfers me to someone else from Enbridge who she figures can help me.

Again, I explain my small, easy to fix, type a few keys and press "enter" problem and then SHE says that I have to be put through to a different department who handles this sort of thing. I don't really remember what she said because over the course of the morning I talked to six or seven people. At this point I was getting really mad.

So I get transfered AGAIN and explain my small issue AGAIN and then this lady says, "Well you have to call Direct Energy, we don't handle it, we just do the billing"


So I call Direct Energy.

I get to a point in their dim-witted computer system where the options are: Press '1' if you are calling about your Enbridge bill and press '2' if you are calling about your Direct Energy bill. I figure if my bill says ENBRIDGE ALL OVER IT, then '2' is what I'll press considering I called Direct Energy. I figure I'll reach their Direct Energy/Enbridge billing department talior made to answer my query. So I press '2', type in my customer number for the 89th time and talk to a lady who tells me:

"You have to call Direct Energy, they handle the water heater"

WHO THE FUCK DID I JUST CALL!!!?>!>!??!?!?!?!?!!!

She told me she could give me the number to Direct Energy billing which I figured would be a direct line to a human who could help me. So I told her I had to get a pen and waited as long as I could to frustrate her the way her and her company had frustrated me for the past 30 minutes. When I got back on the line she gave me the same damn number I had just called. Good grief.

SOooooooooooooooooo I did everything all over again, but this time I press '1' instead of '2' and FINALLY I got someone to do what I wanted although at the end she goes "It may take a bit to process but you'll get a new bill eventually." Take a bit? JUST CHANGE THE DAMN NAME AND I'LL PAY YOU!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Did you read all of that? I was hesitant to explain it all because I thought it might be boring, but seriously man, is there anything worse than having to call a major corporation for customer service?

Walking to work I was steaming mad, but then it occurred to me that if an external hard drive with a bunch of old pictures, mp3s, porno and school work on it and a frustrating phone call are the worst things that happens to me on a daily basis, then my life ain't so bad. I wish I didn't get so mad about these things, but when they happen and it's not me that's screwed it up then I get upset. If it's my fault I have no problem accepting it. There's that lyric from the Pharcyde song that goes "I don't sweat it, I let the bullshit blow in the breeze". That's what I should do because that stuff that happened up there is bullshit and really isn't a big deal. Tomorrow I'll talk about my butt some more, don't worry.

1 comment:

edgarnow said...

maybe you want to indulge your "new age" calling

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