January 28, 2009


My friend Jon once took pictures of every step of his day and yesterday I copied him and took photographs of every step of my day. He took more pictures. I didn't do every step because I didn't want the public thinking I was a weird beard or anything like that. This will give you an idea of what life is like for me on weekdays, the shittiest days in the week. Let's start the story train and head for LaLar Land!

Here's the desk where I composed yesterday's utterly spectacular entry sometime before I left to go to work. If this 'desk' had drawers I'd be able to put all that crap away. But it doesn't. So I can't. It's really just a table from IKEA.

Here I am gingerly reaching for a banana that I will use to make my daily 'Fruit Blaster' or 'Smooth Cool'. Was this photo staged? Of course it was. Notice more clutter and several beer bottles on the floor we have yet to return to the beer store. Do you have a car? Come over and let's go to the beer store!

It looks like the toaster is covered in bugs. It's not. It's just old and shitty. When you toast something the sides get as hot as lava and if you try to toast two things in a row it buzzes and won't let you toast. That 'BBBVVVVVV' is the sound of the blender. Did you get it the first time?

Time to wash. This picture may look boring, but in it are the two most important ladies in my life: The shower and the toilet. That's not a window to outside, don't worry. That'd be the stupidest bathroom in the world if it were. "There's that guy pooing again. Why does he let us see him?"

Time to choose some threads. I have my butler, Piers, fill this wardrobe with fresh styles every day. Today he loaded it with stripes, plaids, hockey jerseys and sweaters, the kinds I like. On the left are some comics that I barely ever read and if you look to the bottom you can see my feet poking up as if to say "Hello!" The right side is a mirror so the picture is kind of tricky like a cool vortex. At the end of the day, mirrors are really neat. You're just used to them. Just think about a mirror for a second....cooooollll

Time to go. I walk down these stairs to get to the street. The hall usually smells like cigarettes and boiled chicken because my neighbours must smoke indoors and they cook a lot of chicken at the restaurant I live above. Once I totally grinded those rails.

I didn't take any pictures of the subway or anything because everyone knows what that looks like and I didn't want to look like a tourist. So let's skip it and head to the office.

When I sit down I like to gaze at this drawing my friend Mike from Chamber of Comics drew. I look at it and then compare my life to the quest depicted. After I slay this beast which represents leaving for work I then imagine work itself to be another lizard, but like a lizard woman who I have to seduce, have sex with and then kill. I don't mean that the lizard in the picture is a lizard woman. That's some other lizard. Work is the lizard woman that I make up in my head. Having sex with the lizard woman (work) is like having fun at work and drinking tea and killing it is leaving work knowing I did a great job! Get it? Oh brother.

I'm lucky to have a window seat and this is part of my view, which I suppose is okay, although when you've been looking at the same view for 2 years or however long it's been, the whole thing sort of loses its lustre. I hate this damn view. I always hope that someone will parachute off one of those condos or a monster will emerge from the lake and I'll be the first to see it and I take pictures and send them on over to CityTV.

After four point five hours I kick back in the windowless break room and take in a sandwich with a cooooool glass of Kraft Signatures salad dressing. I usually read a book, but today I wanted to see what a bunch of people on TV thought of the Federal Budget. They were cool with it. I'm usually in here alone at this time of day so when someone does come in I feel like I'm being rudely interrupted so when they leave I fart like crazy so the next person who comes in will think again.

Fancy a Flav? Here is the machine that spits out coffees and teas. I stick to the teas. The coffees taste like they've been filtered through chemically treated cardboard, but since it's all free everyone drinks it anyway.

Back to "the grind". My current desktop background is "Selected Moons of the Solar System" as mentioned in an earlier post. If you don't think space is cool, then your head is up your ass and while you're there you should have a serious talk with your brain about things it considers cool and tell it about space. Just tell it. I dare it to think space stinks.

Back home at 8:15pm, Tuesday evening! Now it's 11:13 am on Wednesday and I'm about to do the exact same thing as I just described and that feels terrible. Because I'm writing now, I basically just recounted the same day I'm about to have, although it's snowier. There's a sign about that door that says "GLENN". Recognize.


highwaisted said...

hahahahaa thank you for that episode of cribs.

also is that a picture of a pizza on your wall in the last pic?

Duke of Spook said...

That's pizza alright. It's there to remind everyone that the kitchen is where food happens

Esme Q said...

so I did a summer internship in the same office building that you work in. However, as I was a lowly intern, I did not have a window. I had to work in the hall.

highwaisted said...

omg where did you get it? jogee would love it!

also get rid of the word verification on in your comments, its such a pain in the ass

Duke of Spook said...

word verification no longer an issue.

Hey Esme, what company was it? Did you at least have a desk? or was it like a pile of pillows?

Esme Q said...

i worked for maclaren mccann - and no not a desk, more like an abandoned work table that was stuck in the corner of a hall that faced a wall. everyone always thought that because I was in the hall they needed to make smart/witty remarks every time they walked by (so that was like everyone a million times a day) I got a lot of "working hard in the hall are ya?" "how's the view?" people can be pretty uncreative. I think I cried a tear on my first day. comments novel.

Duke of Spook said...

ahahahahah I hate when people do that. And that place is supposed to be creative, isn't it? I knew a guy that worked there and I think he got fired. I think I've applied for jobs there to absolutely no avail.

Chlo said...

A classic tale in my family's circle of friends is the neighbour who once installed a floor to ceiling one-way window beside his shower... only they put it in backwards! hilarity ensued, until some killjoy went and told him.

dj_sports said...

your life is a sham

Blogger said...

I got my first electronic cigarette kit from VaporFi, and I recommend getting it from them.

Blog Directory by Blog Flux