I AM THE PRINCE OF CADBURY'S MILK CHOCOLATE

It is with great pleasure that I announce the winner of last week's hair poetry contest. Okay, so it actually wasn't a contest and only one person wrote a poem but let's forget all that. Praise be to my brother!

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I used to have a head of long straight hair,
Though I never used a bobby pin,
I cut it all off - almost bare,
After being mistaken for a girl at the Mandarin.

The guy from Tokio Hotel faces the same problem every time he goes to the Mandarin

Apparently I was there when this happened and I laughed and laughed. I apologize. As the winner of the contest you get your Alien Quadrology back and next time you come over I might actually get you some water as you normally request.

I finished that shitty book I was talking about. The ending sucked so bad. What a waste. I liked the DaVinci Code even though brainiacs all over scoffed at its less than impressive prose. If they hated that book, they should read Harlan Coben's "Hold Tight" - a thriller where everyone's actions and motivations are utterly head scratching and where everyone in the neighbourhood is having marital troubles and knows someone who has died horrifically. Also, the bad guys in it are "goths". I could go on and on but that would make me a hypocrite.

And finally, I'd like to squeeze my own cheeks for a second in lieu of post number 300, which is what you're currently reading. I didn't really know where this blog would go when I started it, but I think I'm pretty satisfied with the results so far. To celebrate I've partnered with Dr. Kelly J. Warren to bring you this special deal:

Just print it out, go see my friend and your spider veins will be a thing of the past.

EDIT

This is actually post 299. Just pretend it's 300 for now.