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August 27, 2009

SOME NICE WORDS FROM OUR PRESIDENT - LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, HHEEERREEE'SSS GRANDMA

Last night I slept so soundly, and yet today I feel like a groggy goose, thus proving that too much sleep can be a detriment. In fact, I've been tired a lot lately. Maybe I have a disease, or maybe one of my vital organs is malfunctioning. Imagine the kind of medical technologies the future holds? I pretty much picture it being like this:

Bacta chambers and 2-1B Medical Droids

In the future there will be a bunch more body scanning for sure. Like if I were in the future right now, feeling consistently tired like I have been lately, I'd just go to my droid and get scanned and he'd be like:

"Systems normal. You need more iron though, Master."

And instead of eating kale for two weeks straight, I'd just take some sort of supplement or injection, like how they inject future drug "Nuke" in Robocop 2.

Does that mean we'll do away with doctors?

Not necessarily, but there definitely won't be as many. Those who go to normal doctors will kind of be like people today who eat only organic, local foods - it's kind of a good idea, but there are far more convenient options. Advanced technology will be to medicine as grocery stores were to dinner. Get it?

SILLY REAL INTERNET FOR YOUR LEISURE

Check out this real company. How has "Buttcon" stayed in business since 1979 with a name like that? If I were a business man and I had to choose between "Buttcon" and say a company like "Gold Trophy Inc.", the choice would be obvious. Buttcon must have the best damn salesmen in the biz. You want a challenge? Work for Buttcon.

"So why don't you want to do business with us? Gold Trophy has higher prices, terrible customer service and their president's name is Snake Murder."
"Ummm, I just don't think Buttcon is right for us."
"It's the name isn't it."
"Yes sir it is."

Slogans

Buttcon - Only our name is garbage
Buttcon - The good kind of Butt
Buttcon - Wouldn't you love to tell your friends about our name?

And there's one of my old favourites. I remember finding this when I was bored on the Internet, which I'm sure is where half of their traffic comes from.

Slogans

WE. ARE. BORING.
Work for us. Get a Boring career.
Get a Boring experience

Etc., etc.

HavE a siiiiickkkkkkkkkkkk ********* Thurzdei ::::::>>>>>>>

6 comments:

Rachael said...

shout out to your photo on my blog...cause soooo many people read my blog *sarcasm*

Duke of Spook said...

ahhhhh yeah, link that shit

highwaisted said...

glenn, is that a 1988 lambourghini countach (kooooontash) in your banner?

Duke of Spook said...

I do believe it is! There used to be one with gold rims on Mississauga Road across the street from the girls catholic school

highwaisted said...

holy name? get out, i think my brother was friends with those people!

Duke of Spook said...

A couple of my friends once asked the guy if they could go for a ride. The answer was "no".

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