THE CALM BEFORE THE FLORM

Now that the whole FedEx DVD debacle is over and done with, we can get back to business - which around here means getting back to talking about things like poo and complaining a lot.

Remember that clown Frank D'Angelo? He's back. Instead of promoting beer, he's decided to continue to promote his "music". Check out this excerpt from a press release he sent out:

When Frank D'Angelo and his band grab the stage it's like an unexpected blast of energy. Singing all time favorite tunes in his distinctive high energy R&B style Frank woos his audience like no other entertainer can.

I disagree with 100% of that. What does he offer that no other entertainer can? Greasy fake hair, stupid shirts and dirty rings? I bet some woman in Thunder Bay thinks he's sexy. Imagine this guy was your dad?

People would be all like, "geez dude, your dad is a terrible singer and a bit of an asshole."
"Well.. nyeahoooo...I don't know.... I mean... come on....no?.... really?"
You know, like his son can't admit it? It's good that he donates a lot of the proceeds from his CD to charity, but I have a sinking feeling that he's only doing it as an incentive to buy it. Is it bad to think that? I think I can safely assume. I mean look at the guy. He's honestly a living joke. Russell Oliver gets more respect than this guy. At least he admits that all he wants is money.

Today I had to return some bottles to the beer store and also buy some new bottles of beer to replace them. My new place isn't very close to any beer stores, so I decided to utilize the cart that the previous tenants left behind. Bad idea. I now know why they left it behind. The handle is waaaay too short! Carrying around a cart is degrading enough, but when you look awkward when doing it, your embarassment levels increase by, oh I don't know, 6 times or something. Added to the bad experience was the fact that the closest beer store was closed for renovations so I had to go even further. But still you guys. Not so bad. It could've been worse. A wheel could've broken or I could've been raped, so all in all, it was a good day. I saw the Goodyear blimp and it say Glenn Macaulay's a pimp. <---- Ice Cube, right? The funny thing about Ice Cube is that if you went back in time and told people that he's now an actor that makes family films they'd be like "ah hell no". Like they would make fun of that in a movie about the future. Get it? Example: If I were to make a movie today about the future and I wanted a quick joke I could put a fake ad in it saying something like "LIL WAYNE STARS IN 'CAMP POO POO', WHERE HE PLAYS A DAD WHO TAKES OVER A SILLY CAMP AND TEACHES KIDS HOW TO LOVE THEMSELVES AND EACH OTHER" and everyone would laugh. Did that make sense? Basically Ice Cube's career has taken some twists and turns! Who saw Bill Murray on Letterman? That bit they did was out of left field. What a man though. What a man. Do you ever see a guy on the street and he's dressed really bad, like his pants don't fit and his hair is all over the place, and deep down you really hope that he's in a really cutting edge band that's going to make millions, but that's unlikely and he's probably just a guy down on his luck? I saw a guy like that today. That's the thing with guys in some bands. They straddle the line between guy with no money and no house and guy with some money in band that is cool. I like when you go see a band and you've never seen pictures of them before and then you see them and they look nothing like you thought they would. Mostly when they end up looking like teachers or dads, when you would assume they'd look like that guy who used to be on MTV who pretended to be homeless.

That's all! This weekend I have to the place to myself. I hope that at the end of the weekend it'll be like Bachelor Party and there will be like motorcycle tracks, a horse, some weird guys and stuff in my apartment and when my steady girl gets back she'll be like "WHAT HAPPENED!!??" and I'll be there in a tuxedo with a martini and twin babes in bikinis on each arm and I'll shrug and say "I don't know!" then the credits will role and some song party song by Cinderella will play.