October 17, 2008


I saw some kids in Kensington Market today on a field trip no doubt and they were talking about hookahs or something and I was like "pfff kids". Then this little guy was like, "Guys! look a _____" and I couldn't understand what he said but I figured he was talking about a bong store or a dirty old dog or something and was like "pshhhhh". But I turned around to look anyway and he was talking about a Ford GT-500 (a super space car) that was parked and I was like "okay that is pretty cool". The moral of this story is that sometimes kids aren't the worst. Some of them you could probably hang out with and teach them about things that were before their time like Billy Madison or Collective Soul. When my 5 year old cousin was over for Thanksgiving I tried to talk to her like I'd talk to an adult, and even though she's smart it just didn't work. She just didn't get it and kept begging me to hang her upside down by her feet. Simple times for kids man, simple times. I'm scared that when I have a child I'm going to talk adult to it all the time and it won't learn English properly because I'll confuse it all day with words like "exclamation".

Talking about people you see on the street makes you wonder if anyone has ever heard you say something silly and told all their friends or written about it on the internet. I'd love to come across someone talking about one of my conversations. Something really silly that I could clarify personally. Because sometimes you hear people and you're like "What could that possibly mean? 'I tied my door and let the mosquitoes borrow the carrots I'd left heward'? Is heward a word? Those people are so fuckin weird." But really they're just good pals who have their only language and like to have fun probably like guys in Kevin Smith movies that say smoogy boogies and snootchies and all that.

I was at HMV today and I was looking to buy an Ernest movie or two when I came across "The Essential Ernest Collection" for $6.99 and my heart leapt! But all the movies included were garbage! I'm a big fan of Ernest Goes to Camp, Ernest Saves Christmas, and the funniest movie of all time, Ernest Scared Stupid, and would've paid 30 dollars for a collection of this magnitude, but instead they included Ernest Goes to Africa, Ernest in the Army and some greatest hits bullshit. I expected Ernest Rides Again, Ernest Goes to School and Ernest Goes to Jail, which I've seen but don't think are very good and might've even considered paying 6.99 for all three, but GEEEEEZZZZ. Basically they picked the most unwatchable Ernest they could've possibly picked so I bought Back to the Future instead, which I decided everyone should probably own.

I'm not working today so if you're near my house start yelling and maybe I'll hear you and you can buy me something nice. You probably didn't get me a birthday present this year so it's really not a big deal. Buy me something.

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