October 12, 2008


Ahhhhhh yes, another autumn harvest's eve (Thanksgiving). This is a day where people fire up their BBQ's and cook goose over the open flame, while mama and the kids search the woods for wild potatoes and those frogs you can eat. This day I'm always reminded of the immortal words of Ace Frehley when he sang, "Shock me, make me feel better. Shock me, put on your black leather". Sit me down overlooking the highway, give me a diet coke and play me that song and I'll be smilin' till the dogs bring home breakfast...

That up there was supposed to be an arty composition about Thanksgiving, but like, really silly. Did it work? Picture some boring guy on CBC radio reading that.

I was on the subway today and someone had tagged a window by scratching it with something and it said "ASC". I was trying to think of what that could possibly mean, and I thought it would be funny if it stood for "Alberta Sports Club" or something like that. The Sports Club isn't doing so good these days and so they launched a new modern initiative to reach out the urban youth. Club president Dennis Eat had this to say at their most recent pow wow:

"So go out there to our community and spread the gospel of the Sports Club. Scribble our initials anywhere you can and let them know that we're the place to be. Our facilities our unrivaled. We have to best floor hockey equipment in town. Our new slushy machine is top notch and so far the kids have gone absolutely bonkos over it. We`ll be handing out spray paint and big markers shortly."

It just doesn't make sense that there would be a branch of the Alberta Sports Club in Toronto. Confusing graffiti is one of my favourite things. In University I used to write things on desks that I knew people would be really confused by. Like you write down a recipe or give tips on how to make meatloaf more moist. You could also do things like write "John Candy" and then when you'd come back the next day you'd find people had written all his movies down around his name. Democracy baby, democracy. Sometimes I'd write something like "Orion Pictures in association with Amblin Entertainment presents a Steven Spielberg film - E.T. the Extra Terrestrial". I hope people got a kick out of that. NEXT

I watched that DVD I ordered. It sucked hard balls all over town. But that was to be expected. You know what movie I hate? Moulin Rouge. I don't feel like talking about Moulin Rouge today. I really don't. That's like, the last thing I want to do today. Sit down and talk about Moulin Rouge. If Bill Clinton himself came over to my house and offered me a chance to hang out and talk Moulin Rouge, I'd spit in his floppy face and send him to bed early with no supper. Then I'd watch the first two Crocodile Dundees just to remind myself that there are some good Australians out there. I'm talking of Baz Luhrmann of course. I sure hope he's Australian, otherwise that made no sense and you'll think I'm a bozo. I really don't like that guy. I really don't want to talk about Baz Luhrmann today. If Carl Reiner himself showed up to my house and offered to talk Baz Luhrmann, I'd spit on his trousers and send him to the zoo with no camera or money. I'm not going to do it. Not today. Today is a special day on the calendar. Top 5 probably. Christmas being the undeniable number 1. The best Thanksgiving movie of all time is "Dutch".

Here's a secret family recipe:

Thanksgiving Party Sour Yam-Yams

7 yams
1/4 cup brown sugar
2 pickles
1 tsp of thyme
3 pints of whatever beer you want

Throw everything in a pan and bake for 3 hours at 374. You'll know where they're done because the yams will turn brown.

I once posted a blog on my fake Mats Sundin MySpace page and I gave a drink recipe that I made up and some guy actually tried it. Check it out here. I tried to make the blogs as silly as possible but still seem real. My Mats owns a horse and loves the DaVinci Code.


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