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October 21, 2008

KEEP SHAKING YOUR SHOULDERS JUST LIKE THAT OHHH BABY

I bought AC/DC's "Black Ice" today and although I love AC/DC with all my heart, the thing is kinda shitty. The funniest part are the pictures in the CD booklet thing, which show that perhaps they're finally getting a bit too old to rock. Phil Rudd's picture looks like an over-the-hill actor's head shot and Angus looks like he really didn't want to put on that school boy outfit again. I'm not very strong but I think I could pick up Angus and lift him over my head. Before I die I'm going to do that. I'm also going to finally get around to making a prototype of the beach pillow, record a hip hop album, start my own sandwich store, be a Big Brother, go dirt biking, drive a Lamborghini, spend a week on a yacht, and eat a meal that's like $500.

That sounds like a really bad movie in the "Bucket List" or "Into the Wild" tradition. It'd be like Into the Wild but the guy does all this silly stuff instead and doesn't die because he's smart and not some stuck up hippie idiot. He keeps in contact with his parents at all times and even includes them during parts of his journey. So I didn't like Into the Wild. Get off my back. I thought it looked good, but I just couldn't get behind that guy. Sort of like reading Gordon Ramsay's autobiography, which didn't really help in making him look like a good guy. There's this one part where he's working as a chef on this billionaire's yacht and the crew is partying one day while the billionaire is gone and when the billionaire gets back Ramsay rats on the entire crew and they all get fired. And he's like, "If I could do it all over again, I would do the exact same thing."

I don't know about that. I don't think I've ever really ratted on anyone, but then again I haven't really had the opportunity to. It's because I steer clear of controversy and because I'm neutral to most situations, which is one of those things that's, well, neutral. It's not a good quality and it's a not a bad quality either. Neutral is neutral, bad is bad, good is good. I'm getting confused. I think it's like if I was an ombudsman or a juror, neutrality is good, but if I'm a president or an Army commander, call sign "Python Cannon", then it's bad. Example:

"Hey Python Cannon, should we shoot these rebels and eat their oats, or just let them go and maybe they'll just give us some anyway, or what?" said Lt. Bill 'Concrete' Dubois.

"Well Concrete, if we shoot them we get their oats no problem and since we're commandos, shooting people is no big deal. But they do have families and they've been pretty cool so far. That little guy is really funny. Hmmmmm," answered Python Cannon.

"It was sort of a rhetorical question man. We usually shoot rebels. We haven't eaten in six days and those are the plumpest oats I ever saw," replied Concrete.

"Yeah I guess so. Hmmm. Give me like 3 minutes. I'm going to call my dad first," said Python Cannon.

"Geez man, we're commandos here.... Hey! What are you looking at? AHAhhahaha oh I see you made a moustache out of dirt. Hey boss! This little guy is the greatest!" said Concrete.

That's actually an excerpt from a Hardy Boys novel I'm working on called "Curse of the Haunted Tote". It's about a bag. A really bad bag. It's got adult situations and there's one part where the boys go skinny dipping with two models from Manhattan and you know... they do it. Then there's this cheesy line where Linda, one of the models goes, "Now I know why they call you the HARDY Boys". Then Frank Hardy goes, "Did you get a peak at my driver's license?" and then the girl goes "No I'm talking about your weiner". GROSS. I had pressure from the publisher to put that in. I redeem myself in the last chapter when there's a helicopter fight in a volcano during a typhoon.

Now who noticed that I mentioned "Yachts" twice today? That means that I must really like them. Next time you go yachting please call me so I can come. I'll bring fresh fruit and a carefree attitude!

5 comments:

kay zee said...

lol

highwaisted said...

haha who doesnt want to open their own sandwich store or drive a lamborghini? and i'll be spending a week on a yacht in a couple weeks yo! and i've definitely already eaten a meal worth $500. so there. hahahahaha

Duke of Spook said...

Yeah well. Have YOU ever been P.E.I?? TAKE THAT

highwaisted said...

yes. i have been to PEI. and i ate the potatoes and lobster. succulent!

Duke of Spook said...

Ever been to Kenora Ontario?

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