October 2, 2008


Last night I played NHL 09 for another two hours. At one point I got so mad I turned off the game swearing I wouldn't play again for a long time. Five minutes later I was playing again. The same thing happens to me when I buy a pack of Starburst.

Today when I was riding my bike to work I felt an autumn chill and I yearned for my mitties. My friends, mother winter is knocking at our doors! That is why I've prepared a winter survival guide so that you can enjoy the coldest season in the world instead of being all stupid and complaining about snow and chapped lips and frozen ears and Santa and ice foxes and candy canes. I don't like candy canes. I have to work on not complaining about them.


1) There's nothing you can do

Whenever I used to complain about something my dad would always say "Well there's nothing you can do about it". He's right. If you think you can change winter you're either a stupid idiot or a scientist. If you're a scientist and you think you can change winter then by all means go ahead, but just think of the environment before you do anything. Like, ecosystems could be effected you know? Try to embrace winter like it's the new thing to do. Imagine Hollywood stars began vacationing in Edmonton during the winter months and it became trendy? You never know. I embrace winter by enjoying the fashions of the season. I like sweaters and big coats.

2) Be a proud Canadian

Technically speaking, winter is default Canada, just as Nacho Cheese flavour is default Doritos. Represent the brand man. I actually feel sort of weird during the summer because it's this California tease. I don't trust summer. People should complain about summer not winter. Okay, that's not true. But still, we as a people are supposed to thrive during these upcoming months, so get off your chesterfield, make some damn stew, put on your booties, go outside and eat some snow already.

3) Stop hoping for spring

The biggest mistake I make is thinking that spring starts right after Christmas. It doesn't. It starts in April usually. No joke.

That's it. Follow these rules and you'll have so much fun you don't even know man. Just don't forget the most important rule - ALWAYS say please and thank you. I can't stress that enough. Like my man Puff say, mo money mo problems.

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