October 16, 2008


This is a message to all you kids out there - I'm going to talk about some adult stuff today, so if your mommy is in the room, you'd better tell her to go suck a sack, because things are going to get real TEENAGER real fast. If you're an adult and are uncomfortable with the human body, please skip to the very last paragraph where there's a small disussion about shirts.

Item number one is cleavage. Does the word only ever refer to the amount of boob a girl shows at any given time? I highly doubt it. While I go check the dictionary, enjoy this WeIrD movie:

I'm back.

Okay so I'm disappointed to report that cleavage does have more than one meaning:

1. the act of cleaving or splitting.
2. the state of being cleft.
3. the area between a woman's breasts, esp. when revealed by a low-cut neckline.
4.a critical division in opinion, beliefs, interests, etc., as leading to opposition between two groups: a growing cleavage between the Conservative and Liberal wings of the party.
5.the tendency of crystals, certain minerals, rocks, etc., to break in preferred directions so as to yield more or less smooth surfaces (cleavage planes).
6.Embryology. the total or partial division of the egg into smaller cells or blastomeres.
7.Also called scission. Chemistry. the breaking down of a molecule or compound into simpler structures.

Third billing! Not bad! Was I dumb for thinking it might only mean boobs? I guess I didn't actually think it would, but it would've brightened my day.

This may be trite, but I still think it's funny that a woman can show her whole breast, but it's not pornographic until you see a nipple and yet a man's nipple is fine no matter what. If we're talking butts then it's pretty much an even playing field - you can't really show butts but if you do it isn't that bad, man or woman. Same with genitalia - even steven. It must have something to do with milk. That's a pretty old fashioned way of thinking if you ask me. Girl nips probably became taboo because some bozo on 1765 was like:

"The sacred milk circles that emblazon a woman's breast shall henceforth be covered by silk at all times except on high holidays and when the female is feeding her calf by order of the King. Failure to comply shall result in death by a lobster pit or if the offender is part of the nobility she shall pay a small fine of three wooden nickels and two barrels of mead. The Queen doesn't have to comply at all because she is a sexy babe and she can do what she wants, when she wants. Meeting adjourned, now let's go hunt bears and go sailing before supper. Hey Queen, you can take that robe off you know. It's legal for you. I just decreed it. OH YEAH, CHECK THOSE NIPPIES OUT FELLAS!"

If you didn't think that quote was funny, go back and picture John Cleese reading it. Still nothing? I don't blame you. I didn't think Juno was any good, but a lot of other people seemed to like it. Let's all respect each other's opinions. But seriously, if you didn't like that you DEFINITELY won't like the next part of this entry.

Has anyone ever seen a time lapse boner? I'm very comfortable in my sexuality. I love ladies more than I love candy, but I really think seeing a time lapse boner would be kind of funny and somewhat interesting. There's gotta be one out there somewhere. I bet it would look like those time lapse shots of a plant growing, where it sort of flops up. That's some food for thought for your Thursday evening.

One last thing. I never tuck in my shirt because I think I look really stupid when I do so. Could it be that I truly don't look good and everything is cool, or am I not tucking right?

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