February 13, 2009


Take a look at the above document. Is it:

A) a poem
B) ideas for a movie
C) a grocery list for a granny
D) a to do list

I guess it's pretty clearly a to do list, but whatever.

Sometimes if I feel overwhelmed by a bunch of tasks I must complete, I write myself a list of these tasks just in case I forget one. I pride myself on my memory, but I'm willing to put pride aside if it means protecting against forgetting to do something. I found this note in my desk at work that I made one particularly busy day. On the left are all the tasks I had to complete in the order in which I was to do them. On the right are some items I needed to bring with me I guess. I think this was the weekend I went to a Raptors game and then to Buffalo to see football and eat chili and burgers.

I think the left hand side is rather poetic if you say it really fast in order.

Almost! First though it's Friday the 13th. So today you'll get murdered by black cats and dudes who don't like their moms and tomorrow you'll fall in love in Heaven, possibly with a Hollywood star or maybe an old friend. See that shirt? If you're ever bored download a picture of a blank t-shirt and then go to town. I made the above years ago, along with this gem:

Liv and I are going to spend Valentine's Day eating candy and Swiss Chalet, which is about the most romantic thing we are capable of. I'm going to get the biggest vat of Chalet sauce they got.

I had a check up with my new doctor today and what a time! First I had to provide a urine sample, but unfortunately the well was dry. Had they asked for a feces sample I would've had no trouble. EWWWWWWWWW. Sorry. I managed to provide one at the end of the visit; a solid cup of steaming yellow. EWWWWWWW. Sorry. It turns out I'm in perfect health, unless of course my blood test tells otherwise. I only weigh 147 pounds, which is way less than I thought it would be because last time I weighed myself I was 160 or something like that. I'm not a heavy man. Speaking of the blood test, I'm not a fan of needles and when I was about to get stuck, the music from the radio was playing this weird gothic organ-heavy song so I felt like I was in Dracula's castle and the nurse was getting my blood so Dracula could drink it later. Luckily, my doctor is no Dracula, but a really kind Asian man with neat glasses.

In grade 6 or 7 we had these ladies who weren't teachers who came and watched us during lunch when we were outside playing you know? One lady brought her boyfriend once who was this old hippie guy and we all crowded around him and was telling us stuff. We ended up in the wooded area of the yard with a big crowd of kids and this guy and the lunch lady and I remember he said to all of us while referring to a tree: "The tree has been here for hundreds of years!" and we all cheered and I remember thinking how silly it all was. Then a teacher came and told him to leave and we all probably booed. Nice one teacher. Never go against the cool guy. Our school also hosted this softball tournament and there was a girl from another school with huge cans for her age and when she ran someone started saying "jiggle jiggle jiggle" and then we all started doing it and we got in big time trouble. Several detentions. I remember they forced us into the library and we all had to stand there for like an hour just staring forward looking at the books on the shelf. Then we had to copy word for word from this book on etiquette. SUCKED. But considering we might have scarred that poor girl for life, I suppose we deserved it.

In conclusion, happy Valentine's Day to all the lovers out there and happy Friday the 13th to all the weirdos and witches. Imagine that plane in Buffalo had of crashed a couple hours later at the stroke of midnight on Friday the 13th? MESSED! But it didn't so it's simply a very sad story. That brought things down a little. Coming up next week: An interview with a dentist, four new games, a review of Ronald Dahl's "Jeff and the Big Pear" and some pictures of jungle cats. Keep reading and don't close your eyes while crossing the road. And don't close the road while crossing your eyes. <<<------- for construction workers and cops.

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