February 4, 2009


I'm not prepared for this today.

I've got nothing prepared.

I'm like a chef who goes into his restaurant and the owner goes, "Whattdoya gota tonight a chef? My whole-a familyisgonnabehere."

"I don't know man, just... I'll think of something."

"You gotta nothin planned?! What kinda a chef are you anywayd?"

"Is pasta okay?"

"Of course itsa okay! Look at me! I'm a bigga foreign man!"

That means I need to make some writing pasta FROM SCRATCH right this instant.

Last night Liv and I ended up watching "Date My Ex: Jo and Slade", which I've never watched before, but boooooooyyyooooboooyooyy was it dumb. In a good way.

I remember watching Jo and Slade in "The Real Housewives of Orange County" and Jo was a real idiot because she was engaged to Slade but she was only 22 or something like that and she still wanted to party like she was 22 and Slade Smiley (his real name) had kids and it was really dumb because she was a slut and he was a moron for wanting to marry her and then they broke up because she refused to stop partying. I think this new show is about them being friends while Jo goes to find a new man or something. I didn't really get it. It was the last episode. So Jo is dating these super hunks with no body hair while Slade is like her BFF, getting updates and hoping for the best or something or maybe he was still in love, I don't know. MEANWHILE Jo has these two idiot best friends who wear 67 pounds of makeup and who totally lend evidence to the fact that the show is scripted based on their acting. Maybe they're just that dumb, I don't know. I swear, this blond British friend is a piece of garbage who can't even make a reality show look real and the brunette friend seemed dumber than Audrina Partridge which I didn't think was possible.

I didn't listen to that clip so I can't comment on what they're saying, but I'll bet it was unintelligent. Seriously though, this show reminds me of Paradise Hotel in a way, which is the greatest reality show of all time, in that the the people are so stupid you just can't help but watch them. It's like watching aliens and you know how much I like aliens.

I'm sure this is the 1 millionth blog that's talked about this show in this way. I'm so sorry.

I'm going to New York at the end of the month for a week, so if you have any suggestions as to what I should do outside of the usual (climb the Empire State Building, put on a Broadway Show, eat a rat, start hip hop), drop me a line. I've only been there once and only for three days so the city is still very fresh to me. That's a funny story actually. The night before I was to drive there, I went to a kegger and got HAMMERED. I fell down some stairs, then slept on someone's floor for an hour or so and THEN I had to work in the morning BEFORE driving for 8-10 hours or however long it takes. I almost fell asleep at the wheel several times and I needed everyone in the car to scream so I wouldn't and they couldn't take over because no one knew how to drive a manual transmission but me. We made it though! We all slept on our actor friend's floor and partied with opera singers, soap stars, gay barbers and a burly Scottish guy. Cool things!

Okay, that's all. Tomorrow there will be more fun and games and a special column by former NBA superstar, Dominque Wilkins. He's going to talk about Obama probably and he'll answer YOUR questions from this week's mailbag, brought to you by Johnson & Johnson a family company.

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