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February 11, 2009

HUMP DAY IS A DUMB NAME BUT I STILL AGREE WITH ITS PHILOSOPHY

Greetings from Nashville, Texas! Is it still cold in Canada? There are so many cacti here and it's steaming hot. I got ribs and a Miller High Life in my hand and the sheriff is lookin' at my funny. Where's my six shooter gun?

Totally joking, I'm still here. Did anyone happen to catch Conan last night? So great man. Norm McDonald was on and he was so funny and then Conan and Norm did a cooking demo with Gordon Ramsay and yep, that was so funny, and then the musical guest was Levon Helm. I haven't seen Levon in a while and geez guy, he looks like a mummy. He's only 68 and he looks a million times older than Don Cherry who just turned 75. It must be smoking. It's funny how everyone knows that smoking turns you into a hoarse voiced zombie, but they smoke anyway because of the chemicals. That seems so fundamentally wrong in today's modern, Internet ruled society. At least it appears smoking is on its way out. I guess people will always smoke, but eventually they'll only be able to in like a ditch somewhere far away from the general public and there will only be one cigarette company run by the government of the world and cigarettes cost a million bucks a pack and they're like in the Fifth Element where the filter is longer than the cigarette itself. If that happens, which I'm pretty sure it will (I successfully predicted the last 4 World Series champions, the last 4 American presidents and Toyota's 2007 annual sales) there will be a cool underground cigarette movement where these hippies grow their own tobacco in tobacco caves somewhere in the mountains and it's all natural and it doesn't make you addicted and it whitens your teeth and gives you the energy of 3 Red Bulls but in a good way, like it's all natural energy.

Anyway so Levon played some song and then when they came back from the commercials he played "The Weight" but they rolled the credits before it was over. That's garbage for sure. You don't cut that song ever. Especially when it's sung by a guy who might keel over and die at any second. That could be the last time he ever sings that song on camera and they cut it. I'll bet Conan was like "aaaaaahhhhh man, come on". I also bet Levon didn't care because he probably has that attitude that's like "I just play my songs man, cameras or no cameras. Smokes? Who's got em?" RIGHT???

Our trip to New York in 2 weeks is becoming the event of the year. A bunch of friends happen to be going at the same time and we're all going to do our own comedy show there as well. BIG CITY LIVING. We're also going to eat at one of those Brazilian steak house places where you get to eat sumptuous meats off this big stick: http://newyork.citysearch.com/profile/33068903.
The meat glistens like diamonds! And I'm going to eat the meat diamonds that are soft like meat and not hard like diamonds. They don't taste like diamonds either.

Speaking of comedy, Andy and I are gearing up for a Jet Fighter Pilots show in April so we're doing a bunch of shows in the meantime that I will keep you posted on. We did one last night. I forgot to keep you posted on that one. It was really fun though and I think the act is coming along, just like that cool dinosaur model you're putting together. With a little more work, and a LOT more glue, our act and your dinosaur will be the toast of the town in no time. You'll be at the International Model Show and we'll be at whatever the comedy equivalent is.

That's it for today. If you're bored, play this game: You know the lyrics to "The Gambler"? There's that line "You gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away, know when to run". Try to think of other professions that could apply to and then come up with a back story for your character. I'll start you off. It could be about a medieval lady who folds clothes for the king, and the king beats her and stuff and she never knows if the king wants his clothes folded or not so she just has to learn to know when to fold em and when not to. See? Now you try and call you dad with the results.

7 comments:

cara said...

oh MAN can't believe i missed norm macdonald! i love that guy!

killahmcgillah said...

Norm on Conan = GREATNESS.

I always thought Norm was the most underappreciated Update host.

Duke of Spook said...

Oh yeah, for sure. You know a guy is funny when he goes on a talk show and he's not promoting anything. I loved that airplane bit Norm did. Especially the second one.

hotdog water said...

The Brazilian steak house idea is a good one, but where you really need to go is Sammmy's Roumanian Steakhouse. It's like the bar mitzvau you never had.

You get a bottle of vodka frozen into a giant block of ice and eat insane amounts of amazing heart-attack food, while the house "band" (guy on a keyboard, guy with an accordian) play HAVA NAGILA and then once drunk, everyone gets up and does the conga. Also the place is in a super shitty basement banquet hall.

hotdog water said...

Mitzvah i mean. Got too excited. I LOVE SAMMY'S.

Duke of Spook said...

Oooooooooooooo I like the sound of that! Especially the vodka ice thing. I will look into this.

Blogger said...

After doing some online research, I've ordered my first electronic cigarette kit off of VaporFi.

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