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February 2, 2009

THIS ONE'S KIND OF LONG BUT DON'T WORRY THE TEST WILL ONLY HAVE LIKE 2 QUESTIONS

And another week begins, full of promise and hope, riding on the wings of a dream. A dream of hope and promise, feeding the eternal soul and stroking the heart bursting with love.

Don't you hate people who talk like that? I think that's why I never really got down with church. If the minister had of been more straight talkin' I think I might have enjoyed it more. To get into church you have to enjoy it. Jesus stories alone can't keep the attention of a young boy. Church was too serious man. I think they keep church serious because it helps keep things real and I guess because they believe everything no matter what. Do you think religion will ever go out of style? Probably not in the Eastern part of the world, but I could see the West changing their minds, albeit in hundreds or even thousands of years of years. People still hate atheists pretty bad. I suppose I'm agnostic these days. Or kind of like Kevin Smith's Dogma. I'm kind of like that.

Okay, weekend wrap up. Historic weekend! Another Super Bowl. What quarterbacks!

On Friday I went to a housewarming party and had some good conversations with friends I don't see nearly enough. I was planning on taking pictures but I forgot until it was time to leave at which point I took 2 or 3 blurry snaps of uninteresting things, so I'll spare you. Then again, I could just post any old picture of a party and claim it was the one I went to. Like this:



That's my friend Demi on the left. She forgot her shirt so she ripped the top part of her jeans off and made one. She's REALLY arty and very resourceful. Because her jeans were cut off you could see her butt cheeks, but she didn't care because she's not bashful! Most people would be embarrassed, but girl worked it!

On Saturday I slept in for a while and then did nothing all day. Liv and I went to Bistro 990 to take advantage of Winterlicious and it was good not great. That place needs to update its decor something awful. Flower print chairs scream grandma's dining room. THEN I went to a birthday party for an hour before I was due to perform at this show called "The Dumbest Shit". Here are two pictures with explanations so you'll understand what's in the photos and you don't have to guess.

Andy and I try out our new bit called "Two Neil Youngs". This was the perfect show to try it out on because it's definitely some dumb shit. I'd rate the performance a B-. If it were any other show it'd be a D- probably.

Here are your hosts Chris Locke, Brian Barlow and Graham Wagner, who are some of the funniest men around. Wigs and accessories are very important at this show. Do you like wigs and accessories? Come to the next one!

I went to my friends' Maureen and Greg's to catch "The Big Football Game" and I couldn't have asked for a better time. They fired up a deep fryer and I ate the worst food I've eaten in a while and by worst I mean tastiest. I ate multiple:

Fries
Chips
Root beers
cokes
mozzarella sticks
jalapeno poppers
carrot sticks
potato salad
wingies
ribbies
deep fried Mars bars
donuts

And what a game! I was going for the red birds because my friends like the Steelers and much like Sauron of Lord of the Rings fame, I feed off suffering.

Now you're caught up 100% to my life. You could basically be me right now. Are you on a computer at work? You're me! Are you going to get some chicken teriyaki from Edo Japan for lunch? You're me! Send me $10 and I'll mail you a shirt of mine so can be me even more. Probably a t-shirt, they're not expensive.

Finally, let me ask you something. If you went to a restaurant and the door was locked and you saw two doorbells outside with numbers labelled 210 and 208-A, would you:

A) Assume the restaurant is closed and that the doorbells correspond to the apartments above the restaurant

or

B) Get mad that the door is locked and assume that the doorbells have something to do with the restaurant and if you ring the doorbells, they'll let you in no problem and you'll eat lunch.

You'd probably pick 'A', right? Well you'd be surprised how many people choose 'B' because at least once or twice a week around the time the restaurant downstairs is opening, someone will ring our damn doorbell thinking it will get them in. Have you ever needed to ring a doorbell to get into a restaurant? Do restaurants even have doorbells? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

So don't do it if you ever get the urge.

Bye January, you filthy, good-for-nothing cock monster. Eat shit and die!

5 comments:

Esme Q said...

omg you're friends with Demi too? awesome!

cara said...

soooo funny about the doorbell ringing! but i guess not so funny to you!
i totally get what you're saying about church - this is why i go to a church where their motto is "a church for people who aren't into church".
i'm glad you provided that list of things you ate at the super bowl party. did you seriously eat deep fried mars bars? did your friends actually MAKE THESE????

Duke of Spook said...

Deep fried Mars bars are a reality. And yes, they made them. They're a delicacy in the UK. So melty, so good.

dj_sports said...

you should put a sign under your doorbell that says

WHEN HAVE YOU EVER NEEDED TO RING A DOORBELL TO GET INTO A RESTAURANT?!

also, i hope you guys used 7up in the batter for those mars bars. no joke.

Duke of Spook said...

I thought about putting a sign up but then I remembered how many d-bags roam queen st.. If they saw that sign they'd ring like crazy even if they weren't going into the restaurant

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