February 17, 2009


I wake up every day hoping for that day where spring springs and today there were all these birds (probably pigeons) squeaking outside my window, so I got excited like a kid who sees boobs, but I'll bet it's still cold. I haven't checked yet, but it's cold. I know it. But luckily, in four days I'll be leaving for sunny, warm NEW YORK CITY. Swimming in the ocean, sun tanning in Central Park, cooling myself off around a broken fire hydrant in Harlem with some kids.....can't wait man. So tropical.

For those who don't like to be left in the dark, here's what I did with my holiday yesterday:

- Watched Dr. Who
- Ate a sub
- Went for a hot tub
- did a show

Caught up! Fill in your scorecards. Archive that shit. Settle your bets. For those who thought I was going to go work out and eat kale, you were wrong. Keep trying though. I'll give you a hint as to what I'm doing today and it rhymes with "Gurk". Mail in your entries now!

There was an article in the Toronto Star over the weekend about these people who believe that oil is going to run out pretty soon and so they're preparing for a "Mad Max" scenario where everyone goes crazy and the world falls apart. They're stockpiling food and learning survival skills and one guy even bought a boat and has plotted his course to Costa Rica come the apocalypse. I'm more of an optimist, so I believe that if the oil does run out, which many scientists believe will actually happen, people will just calm down, buy windmills, rent Fern Gully and get on with it. You have to give humanity some credit. Don't get me wrong, if oil runs out, bad things will happen, but Mad Max is a bit too much. That being said, I don't think preparedness is all that silly. It's sort of a win win situation if you think about it...

Here's a shot of University Avenue in Toronto circa 2034, post oil apocalypse. That's me in the gyro copter and riding in the car are Jason Kapono of the Toronto Raptors, Kevin Drew of Broken Social Scene and some guy from out of town.

...On the one hand, if bad stuff goes down, you're ready, and you can say "I told you so" to all the weak idiots you meet in the new world who you reluctantly aid with the skills you possess and the canned beets you have in your really good backpack that some guy at Mountain Equipment Co Op said would be the best if the world ends and he was kind of joking but you weren't. And when you run into the helpless babes and/or hunks on the deserted roads wearing ripped rags that expose their cans/pectorals then you'll probably get some no problem because you're the survival master who leads the weak and they'll follow you around and service your every desire in exchange for forest delicacies, protection and lessons on how to cook pine needles.

If bad stuff doesn't go down, you still have stockpiles of non-perishables that you can eat any time, and you have all these skills you can use if you want to go camping. You could go camping anytime, anywhere. You could become a river guide! Those guys are the coolest. You'd still get babes.

I'm not about to start training or anything, but I may pay more attention to shows like "Survivorman" and "Wild Gourmets". I bet Survivorman wants the oil to run out. He already lives in the middle of nowhere. I saw a show where he moved his family "off the grid" and he had these two youngish kids who I felt so bad for because they won't have friends and they were to be home schooled which is a one way ticket to dweeboid city. At least they'll be equipped to fight off the mutant oil people and the punk rock, leather clad motorcycle gangs. Maybe that's why he did it....brilliant. They'll be the most well equipped family around. They may rule our new world. Hail Survivorman and his queen! Hail to the young prince and princess! Protect us!

So I don't really mind if you go crazy over the oil thing, but don't start bragging if it happens and I see you in the woods and you almost kill me but I explain that I'm one of the good guys and I tag along and you teach me and eventually I become more powerful than you and we have a big fight and I almost kill you but then I remember the good times (fishing, skiing using things we find) and we go our separate ways only to meet up again at the base of the main bad guy and we team up one more time to take him down. So don't get mad. Help us.

Finally, the zipper on my main jacket is doing that thing where it separates and it's tough to deal with man. Sometimes it gets so bad that I have to pull the whole thing over my head if I can't get the zipper unstuck. Does anyone have a home remedy for such a thing? I'll trade you. If you take a shower and the mirror is fogged up, rub a little shaving cream on it and the steam won't come back. Now give me a zipper remedy. Or give me some tips on how I can keep fresh fruits and vegetables longer. Peace in the Middle East, give Peace a chance, rainbows all the time, love GLenn

1 comment:

edgarnow said...

XYZ - eXamine Your Zipper.

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