Pages

February 6, 2009

THIS CREAM WILL RESULT IN THE TASTIEST PICKLES YOU'VE EVER SMELLED

UPDATE

I received an Enbridge/Direct Energy bill yesterday and sure enough, the name on the account hasn't been changed. I'm going to wait until Monday to call because on Monday I'll be more angry and so will they. I'll attempt to record the conversation to share with the world. But I'm not very confrontational so I doubt I'll raise my voice much.

It's Friday and you're probably on your way out the door to buy some brandy, rum and cigars for all the socials and sock hops you'll be going to this weekend, so I think I'll present a very special "on the go" edition of this blog, Baz Luhrmann style. So as you're reading this, get some ambient music going in your head.

QUICK FACTS

Pepsi is better than Coke until you hit puberty.

Hitting a dude as means of flirting is never good and reasonable dudes don't like it.

Austin Powers 1 is a really really funny movie and you shouldn't let the other ones change this for you.

If you don't like Terminator 2 I want nothing to do with you.

We all take for granted things like airplanes and roller coasters. You try and build one! Thanks scientists.

Space is soooooo crazy and you should think about it every so often to get a perspective on things.

Candy is specifically designed to make your taste buds say "FUCKIN YEAH" so just have some every now and again and don't worry about your stomach or your diabetes.

Despite what dermatologists may tell you, picking at zitties to get rid of them totally works and is very satisfying.

If you're a dog person I can't 100% relate to you.

Professional athletes may be dumb but they do exciting things. If you hate sports, try to imagine them being slaves instead of multi millionaire babies and pretend you're a Roman.

I don't think skateboarding is cool anymore because I'm playing this skateboarding video game and all the dudes in it are really stupid.

I've cried after reading books, watching movies, watching TV shows and pissing my pants at T-Ball tournaments.

Working a blue collar job is extremely satisfying and when you're done for the day you take a shower, get a beer and relax and nothing is better. I was a junk man once. When you have a computer job you get home and you feel blah blah and you don't want to go on the computer ever again and you feel like you don't deserve that beer.

-------------------------------
Some of those weren't FACTS but just things about me. Those were the 'seasoning' of the piece, so get over it. All writers use seasoning: J.R.R. Tolkien seasons his stuff with descriptions of mountains and trees for example. R.L. Stine doesn't season anything. PURE SUSPENSE. I somehow came across a copy of R.L. Stine's first "adult" thriller a few years ago, and in the first few pages he gets right into swearing and sex as if he's been yearning to do so for so long but he couldn't because teens can't handle that.

ARCHIVE PICTURE OF THE DAY

This is from 2004 during the annual "Big Burger" where we all get together and make big burgers. That's me on the right. The outfit I'm wearing is an outfit you can still see me wear today. Is that bad? Should I seriously get new clothes? I suppose a Star Wars shirt and a solid sweater is pretty timeless, right? Is it? Do people talk about this behind my back? Am I the guy who hasn't changed at all? I've got a couple of new looks. I've got some business casual threads. Let's go shopping everyone!

3 comments:

cara said...

i can't freaking wait til the direct energy/enbridge update.
i totally agree with so many of the things on that fact list. it's scary-spooky.

Duke of Spook said...

Seriously though. I'm just going to straight up ask them: "You tell me what I have to do to get the name on that account changed"

Blogger said...

Do you drink Pepsi or Coca-Cola?
PARTICIPATE IN THE POLL and you could get a prepaid VISA gift card!

Blog Directory by Blog Flux