I CURSED THIS BEE ONCE AND HE GOT BACK AT ME JUST BY IGNORING ME FOR AWHILE AND IT WORKED

This weekend went by so fast that all I saw of it was a quick flash of its purple Utah Jazz throwback jersey before speeding away into the night like a flock of hawks. That's a two-fold analogy because a flock of hawks is fast like the fast weekend, and it's totally fake because hawks don't fly that way which relates to the fake premise that the "weekend" was wearing a basketball shirt in the first place.

Seriously you reader, I barely had time to put on my patio boots and my socializing belt before Sunday night rolled around when I had to change into my sleeping glove and my work rings. I'm writing this at midnight and there's the ominous sound of a church bell ringing in the distance signaling the demise of temporary carefree living and eating out at restaurants. That means the weekend is over for all you Dutch out there.

The weekend was Liv's birthday weekend, her actual life anniversary being Saturday. I spent most of the weekend pampering to her every need and singing her love songs whilst stark raving nude, except one of those little robber masks, which she finds absolutely tantalizing. In reality we took it pretty easy, except Friday when I broke off on my own to see Andy Kindler at Comedy Bar, which was a laugh hose of smiles. On Saturday we had a rousing round of Klaus Teuber's "Settlers of Catan" with some dudes and then went to the Keg for good steaks, good friends, the Keg, see you tonight. We came home and tried to watch Evil Dead 2 but Liv got nauseous because she slammed too much wine and I fell asleep like a sleepy bear who's full of summer meat.

On Sunday my dad took us to the AGO because he's a member and because we live down the street. We had a wonderful little time looking at paint and then ate some sandwiches courtesy of an Italian restaurant on Baldwin. When we got home we put on some records and drank Mexican beer all afternoon until it was time to go to Comedy Bar to see Sunday Night Live.

That's it. That's the flash of a weekend. I couldn't be more piffed about going to work tomorrow, but in the words of Abraham Lincoln, "that's the way the cookie is", so I'm going to pull up my business casual socks, go in there and give infinity percent. That's what the Hardy Boys would do and they're richer than your wildest dreams.

Don't forget to watch the season premiere of Jon and Kate Plus 8 tonight and watch a train wreck of a family! I'm going to watch it and maybe talk to you about it on a later episode of this blog, which I'm now calling "Gone and Ate Plus Fate" which is about eating and fate. Jon and Kate plus HATE - Mondays on that channel that shows the lives of short people and chicks who pump out kids as often as they normal people have barbeques with friends.