MY TOWEL HAS A PICTURE OF A HAMSTER ON IT AND THE HAMSTER HAS A TOWEL WITH REGULAR STRIPES

That up there is one of those things that shows words I use on this blog and the bigger they are the more I use them. I feel like it only checked words on the main page and didn't delve into the archives because I don't think I mention "Oprah" all that often. I must have mentioned "farts" way more than "Oprah" but maybe I haven't lately because I haven't been farting as much.

That's a bald faced fib. It's spring time! I've got the spring stink! It's this time of year that farts smell of garbage mixed with roses and a hint of Gatorade because you've been so active. That's just simple science, nothing more.

MEMORY OF THE MONTH

One day I mentioned how I worked at a grocery store when I was 16. What was I like when I was 16? I don't really know. I was fairly shy, I had messy hair, I was skinny and kind of a dweeb but I could be funny and I knew how to play sports, the kind of currency that buys one a level of popularity slightly above medium.

One day this Russian guy came into the store and he asked me: "Do you have any peeot a go?" I'm really bad with accents and of all my senses, I think 'hearing' is probably the weakest of the gang.

They'd probably go: Sight, touch, taste, smell, ears. I don't have a sixth sense, though I once felt the presence of a ghost at grandma's house when a metronome went off by itself. Ghost musician. Spook notes.

Anyway, I asked this Russian guy to clarify and again I was met with "peeot a go". It got to a point where I was too embarrassed to ask him again so I pretended I knew what he was talking about and led him around the store hoping he'd see whatever "peeot a go" was. I kind of thought he might've said "Powdered Milk" so I took him to the baking aisle. No luck. Finally, I brought him to a customer service person and told him to ask her. He said it again and she understood immediately that what he was looking for was "Pot of Gold" brand chocolates.

That's the story. Interestingly, the movie "Career Opportunities" is loosely based on my experiences working in that store. I'm the Jennifer Connelly character.

Until the NHL playoffs are over, the content around here may suffer because my mind is on the Stanley Cup. Don't worry though, after it's all said and done, this blog contain the most comprehensive summertime fun guide you ever saw. I haven't figured out exactly what that means yet, but much like that part in "Flight of the Navigator" when the brother has to guide the kid and the alien back to Florida, "you'll know it when you see it". POOPSTER