May 7, 2009


When the Internet was younger than it is today, me and my high school pals used to go to for cyber laughs. The Seanbaby introduced us all to this site,, which I think was way ahead of its time, and still totally rules to this day. So next time your plant dies or you can't find your Swatch and you feel so upset you can't even poo straight, go to those sites and everything will be forgotten.

Oprah is giving away free KFC to everyone in America. That's pretty cool of Oprah and everything, and she does some pretty good things for people, but there's always something slightly sinister lurking behind every one of her good deeds it seems. She gave away all those cars that one time, but then all the ladies realized they had to pay taxes and insurance and stuff so it was like "oooooooooooooooo??". Then she got all passionate about cows and how they shouldn't be eaten I think, which is cool, but then all the Texas beef men were like, "beef feeds my kids, literally and figuratively" and people got confused because Oprah is supposed to be a modern day lady Jesus. All that information is purely based on memory, so it might be all wrong.

But anyway, giving away KFC is cool I guess, but first of all it screams "PROMOTION!" because the chicken they're giving away is a new KFC product called "Grilled Chicken". Instead of blowing millions on advertising, they just figured they'd give away a bunch and to make it look even better they got Oprah to pretend she was buying it for everyone. Even if she did pay for it all, wouldn't that money be better spent giving chicken to third world countries or something? Or clean water for that matter? Or hats? Or goats?

In conclusion, Oprah is overall a good lady, but she's no Colonel Sanders. When he died he gave all his money away. He also once said "I don't believe in bad weather, just different kinds of good weather". SICK. Seriously, if you ever get an opportunity to watch a biography on the Colonel, do so. I guess you could just read about him on Wikipedia, but I feel like that won't be as good. Watch the A&E biography of Andre the Giant too. It's one of the best films of all time.

That chick coming out of the water at the beginning of that ad is the best. If I were the guys in the boat I would've smacked her with an ore and got out of there. What the heck is she doing down there, diving for jewels?

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