WEAR YOUR KILT WITH THE ORANGE BUGGIES ON IT

STORIES FROM THE BLACK BARN

Spooky tales to ruin your heart!

Intense fables to fry your ribs!

Crazy narratives to nudge your fudge and bake your rake!

Chapter 96 - Chapters

I went to Chapters book store today to buy some gifts and when I got in line I said to myself "What's the holdup brother?!" I noticed an overweight lady at the cash register who seemed to be nit picking her bill while there were like 10 people in line behind her patiently waiting. I recognized this lady from earlier in my trip when I was on the second floor of the two floor store and noticed the suspect and her portly friend getting on the elevator to go down one floor! I'm pretty sure the elevator is there for the elderly and the disabled. These two were overweight, but they were by no means morbidly obese.

As I approached the cash I managed to figure out what the fuss was all about. Apparently the friendly cashier had sold this lady on a Chapters membership/rewards program kind of thing that grants the customer a discount every time he or she buys something. It took a while for the cashier to explain all this and the lady finally agreed after the cashier was forced to prove it was a good deal by showing her the screen displaying the money she'd save on her purchase. So it seemed everything was cool and we could all get on with our days.

I thought wrong. When all was said and done she saw her final bill and was outraged that the membership card COST MONEY. She wrongfully assumed that entry into this discount program was free just like everything else in life. Furious, she wanted her money back and her membership revoked, which is apparently not very simple because the friendly cashier had to call a manager or top book guy or something to authorize it or something. At this point I was already cashed out via the register next to the one with all the action and I left before I got to see any more ridiculousness go down. I assume the lady would've been there for at least another ten minutes, because I'll bet the protocol for revoking one of these memberships isn't fresh in the staff's head since most people who sign up must have the insight to realize it isn't free, and once someone has payed for one, why would they ever cancel it? That's the question I'll leave you with.

Next time on STORIES FROM THE BLACK BARN

We delve deep into the bowels of the human brain's butt channel! A terrifying ruse that takes place probably in a mall again, I don't know yet. That's where the dumbest stuff is! MUAHAFHARDHAOP!

Bonus Features

I usually wouldn't have specifically pointed out this lady's weight, but I thought the elevator story gave a nice spice to the tale, adding more depth of flavour to how annoying this lady truly seemed.