BABY IS BACK AND GOT BACK

The weekend is over! Shit!

Sure enough, on Saturday I went to go see some art on the streets and it was alright. Nothing blew my nuts off and my legs got destroyed from walking so far, but it is always nice seeing the streets packed with people with positive attitudes. I would like to offer one bit of criticism and since Mayor David Miller reads this blog and is a close, personal friend of mine (we curl on Sundays then go for shakes) I think I could influence some change: I'm sick of zombies being involved in everything these days, including Nuit Blanche, which I believe roughly translates to "Nighty Bing Bong". Zombies are the comeback story of the new millenium along with poker and pirates. Don't get me wrong, I love a good zombie story as much as the next guy, but get them out of my face man. Too bad werewolves aren't enjoying the same kind of resurgence. They're much scarier because they're fast, have big teeth and your dad could be one and you wouldn't know until you hit puberty and you become one and struggle with your werewolfism like most teens struggle with zits and pubes.

Also, there should be more food themed art pieces. I spent a long time trying to find a hot dog, but to no avail. I got a burger at Hart House at the end of the night, but the only toppies available were 'chup, 'tard and hot peppies. There might have been some onions but I was so hungry that I didn't bother to look. Someone should have made a giant pizza. The description would be "GIANT PIZZA by Luigi Phillips - Here's a giant pizza. You can eat it if you want. It's real". Try to argue with THAT idea, I dare you

See how OJ was found guilty for armed robbery 13 years to the day he was found innocent of murder? That's seriously crazy. Like seriously. That's nuts. If you didn't believe in karma before, you sure as shit had better now. OJ is stupid idiot. He somehow managed to beat a murder charge, yet he still walks around carrying a gun trying to rob people. That's like an aquitted rapist carrying around the Toys R Us calendar sort of. Not really, but you know. Story of the year as far as I'm concerned. You can't beat that story! Try to beat it. Right now. Tell me something that's both as stupid and crazy as this OJ story. When I heard it I thought it'd be front page news all over. I guess people don't really give a shit anymore, but still. The odds! The odds man!

Did I tell you about the game show I thought of? I haven't told anyone. Let me first preface this by saying it totally wouldn't work, but perhaps in the future would with the advent of a brain cybernetic dream matrix. So here it is:

- Three teams of 2
- Teams get as little sleep as possible leading up to the taping of the show
- One team member falls asleep on the show
- The remaining team members are given a word or something
- They then have to attempt to manipulate their teammate's dreams any way they can WITHOUT waking them up
- After a while you wake them up and ask them what their dreams were like
- Whoever's dreams match the secret word the best wins money or a TV or whatever

The only problem is that you could totally cheat. Also, I don't know how easy it is to manipulate someone's dreams, although all I need to do is walk down the street and alllllll the ladies of the world start dreamin'.

Have you seen the television commercials for Hershey's Bliss chocolates? They look and sound like an ad for tampons.



Plus, why would you market chocolates exclusively to women?? Chocolate is as unisex as sweatshirts. To all the ladies out there - would you buy these chocolates? Wouldn't you rather eat a peanut butter cup or something? Some Skor bites maybe? Ever seen a Yorkie Bar? They're for men. But they make no bones about it:



I like how the NOT is underlined.

One last thing. I'm proud of myself. Last night when I got home from my brother's birthday celebration, I had three tasks - Wash a hat, make egg salad, install new shower head. I did all three at the same time and it was more satisfying than sitting down with my daughter at the end of a long day at work, kicking off my heels and enjoying a bowl of Bliss chocolates while we watch guilty pleasures on the Slice Network.