YOU CAN KILL ME BUT I'LL KNOW AND YOU'LL GO TO JAIL

I've had the worst luck with FedEx. A few months ago I was offered a free Microsoft Zune as part of a viral marketing campaign. They tried to send it to me through FedEx but they always came when no one was home. Actually, one time I waited at home all day but they never came even though they said they did. I was so mad it wasn't even funny. I did eventually get it, only to find out that Zunes aren't compatible with Macs. So don't get a Zune and don't use FedEx. I didn't even need a Zune as I have an ipod, but you can't turn away free things. That's a rule I have. That and always order the burger at a restaurant if you're having trouble deciding. You'll be automatically satisfied and you're guaranteed fries.

Back to FedEx: Recently, I ordered a DVD from this shitty company and they never sent it to me so I emailed the hell out of them and they finally sent it 2 days ago using FedEx priority service. It was supposed to come today at noon. According to the FedEx tracking system, the guy showed up but he didn't ring my doorbell. I think he tried calling me but I didn't answer my phone in time so I didn't get it (it might not have been him, but you know, detective work. Logical explanation). If I somehow miss the guy again tomorrow I'm going to be more frustrated than the time I tried to watch Dune. Dune. Zune. Ancient Rune. Now I'll admit, our apartment is a bit hard to identify, but if the guy took a few minutes to survey the scene he would've figured it out. It makes me mad just thinking about it. I'm going to think of lasagna instead...cheese, sauce, ricotta, pasta, ohhh yeahh, how about some caesar salad... yeah that'll do....... an ice cold Brio? Why not?...... next course, veal parmesan with extra veal.... mmm okay... sure I'll have more salad, put more bacon bits in this time.... extra charge? Okay, never mind...... are croutons free? Pile em on.. mmm yeah.