ASK A FORTUNE TELLER WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO DO TOMORROW

It's not secret that the culture of today is very much a product of cultures of the past. With all the movie remakes and retro jerseys floating around, we've picked all the best parts of past generations and made a stew that tastes pretty good. Obviously this will change at some point because as humans we hate being the same for more than a decade or so, which begs the question, "What's next?". I think it's going to be crazy! Think about it. When culture goes stale and becomes saturated, trend-setters rebel because they're mad that everyone copied them and that their style of jeans can be bought at Sears no problem. So if our culture now is totally un-original, the next will be ORIGINAL. It might be like the eighties only with better computers. I think technology is going to play a big big part. Duh. Did that make sense? Cultural studies 101 guy. Here are some broad predictions:


1) Clothes will get baggy again


Right now, trendy clothes can't get much tighter, which is good for butt lovers but bad for people with bad butts but wear tighties anyway because I guess they think people love their butt. Girls wear tights as pants and I've seen men wear jeans that are so tight that you can see their skin. BANG. So that means that eventually, and I'm not sure how long, clothes will get baggy again. Maybe not early 90's baggy, but baggier than now. I hear wide leg pants are back for girls. I've also heard that parachute pants have made a comeback in some of the western states, but in rock n roll, not dance friendly hip hop. I made that one up. Those things will come back eventually I bet, but not for another century probably.


2) Clothes will mellow out


Hopefully this will spell the end of a trend I hate so much that I feel like squeezing my eyeballs just thinking about it. My dad once had his eyeball popped out. Medical purposes. Anyway, you know those hoodies that have dumb, colourful patterns on them that teens wear? Those are on their way out. Once a trend reaches teens, it's over. No one my age wants to wear it anymore. Same with hairdos. You don't see many people over 20 with a Zac Efron, but teens can't get enough. The style goes well with zits. So anyway, clothes might mellow out a bit. Bland colours (the kind I like) will emerge: Browns, forest greens, grays, royal blues, blacks and maroons will be the colours of the future. Bright is almost over I think.


3) I'm tired of talking about clothes


I guess it's kind of strange that as the modern age ages, we've sort of run out of ideas. That means it's probably time to start thinking more about space, which truly is the final frontier. I've always said that the only reason I fear death is because I don't want to miss out on things like flying cars and flying boats. Lately that's changed a bit. Being an old man is probably going to be really shitty and dying is going to be brutal, especially if on my death bed I'm like, "Ah geez, I should've done more stuff." That's the ulitmate bummer. Hands down. That or being tortured I guess. I don't know! Sorry. This is getting too dark. This blog is more about sunshine and ponytails, so I appologize.

4) House Raffle

Did you guys hear about that guy in Michigan who couldn't sell his house so he decided to raffle it off instead? He's selling 2500 tickets at $100 dollars each, so he'll make a bunch of cash, get rid of his house and some lucky person will win a house for $100. WINWINWINWINWINWINWINWINW. This is clearly the wave of the future. My friend Andy and I tried to think of a negative to this and we couldn't. Everyone should do this. In the future economics will be guided by raffles. Raffles is a funny name for a pet, but a really bad name for a human child.

Okay I'm outta here. You can find me at the arcade by Terminator 2 pinball. I'll be wearing the Macaulay tartan.