November 14, 2008


I saw the film "Role Models" yesterday starring McLovin, Stiffler, Paul Rudd and a smart mouthed kid who was on The Tracy Morgan Show I think. I'd give it two bagels with garlic cream cheese out of 4 english muffins with jam. I'd recommend waiting until it comes out on home video because it wasn't thirteen dollars good, but there were some really good laughs and some top notch KISS references. The story was a bit weak but the jokes and performances grabbed my ear and kissed my eyes and I was especially surprised by Stiffler who I thought really stole the show. People forget that he was funny in American Pie. But then they gave us so many more pies that we were full of pie and wanted to barf Stiffler and that nerd who bangs moms all over the place.

That cast really went nowhere didn't it? Jason Biggs is the type of actor that if I made my own movie, I could probably get him to be in it. Natasha Lyonne might be dead, and if she's not she's damn close to it. Tara Reid decided that she was a hot slut and not a kind of cute, sort of talented actress, so she put some balloons in her chest and now she can't get a job save hosting Gino parties in cities like Duluth. I haven't seen that dweeb or Henry Rowengartner for awhile so that's that and Elizabeth whoever (the one that gets totally nakes) is off the radar as well. STIFFLER WINS. And Buffy's friend the red head who's on How I Met Your Mother. She wins too. Did I already talk about the cast of American Pie at some point? Maybe I saw it on Entertainment Tonight. Mary Hart was VERY concerned about the cast of American Pie.

I don't like going to the theatre at 10:00 on weeknights. You usually get a bunch of moronic twenty-somethings that laugh way too long and don't hesitate to repeat jokes OUT LOUD right after they happen. I witnessed this phenomenon when I saw Step Brothers as well. Too bad I'm a non-confrontational wiener, or I might've just said something, but that usually makes matters worse. That's what I assume leads to the stabbings of today. And that's why I don't ever mess with teenagers, because they have knives and they don't seem to know that knives can kill you and if utilized they'll have an awful life filled with jail and guilt. Before they stab someone they must all picture is a slutty girl kissing them after it's done. Take that Mayor David Miller. You should deliver a speech like this:

"Youth of Toronto: Before you stab someone I just want to tell you probably won't have sex if you go through with it. Walk away and you're more likely to have sex. Girls like passivity. Don't be stupid. Jail sucks bad. Trust me, I visited one once. The food isn't that bad though. Sometimes they give you KFC."

Problem solved! Crime vanquished!

The weekend I'm going to be receiving a strong dose of partying down with an injection of relaxation combined with a an IV bag filled with jokes. I'm going to be at the Loner Show at the Rivoli on Sunday doing a bit as a guy from the film business. He's a bit crazy! The strange thing about doing comedy by yourself is that you don't have anyone to tell you if it's funny beforehand. When you get up there you can usually tell right off the top whether it's going to work or not and if it isn't working you just plough through and maybe throw in some pop culture references that everyone likes. INSIDER INFO. For more on comedy, please check out my instruction VHS tape called "Winning the Room - An insider's guide to live comedy":

That wasn't it, but maybe you can use that information anyway.

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