DULL THOSE KNIVES AND MAKE THEM SAFE

Notice how there's been two Tara Reid references in the last two posts? What does this mean for you, the reader? It means that maybe, just maybe, this blog is slowly turning into a gossip haven, where overly obsessed bozos perpetuate a pop culture of voyeurism, excess, superficiality and general stupidity. Maybe, just maybe...

Last night in Hollywood Josh Hartnett was spotted hanging out and smoking. What kind of cigarettes? THE BAD KIND.

Last night in New York City Owen Wilson rode a bike around and bought a baguette. For what? DINNER.

Last night in London Amy Winehouse looked like a bag of shit and got her mail. What kind of mail? DRUG MAIL.

Last night in Italy George Clooney tried to party on a boat but there were too many photographers to have a good time. What kind of a good time? THE BABE AND MONEY KIND.

That's your entertainment update for today. I think I've got it out of my system for now, but stay tuned all this week because I've got roving reporters in all the major celebrity centres and even one in Calgary just in case someone shows up. Let's check in on him:

"Guys I'm sitting here on a milk crate at the Calgary airport waiting for something to happen. I heard a rumour that some the Calgary Stampeders might be coming through this afternoon en route to the Grey Cup in Montreal, but who knows? More on this later."

That's my friend Sclark Thoms who is so poor that he agreed to do this job for me for 2 cans of ravioli and this old hat of mine that he likes.

Just kidding, I don't know anyone by that name. But once when I was watching "Pimp My Ride" and the guy who's ride was pimped had these two friends named "Flint" and "Sclark". No joke guy. If they gave fake names it's funny and if that's their real names it's also funny. Either way, the public wins big time.

What's in the news? How about that new proposed legislation restricting the rights of young drivers in Ontario. I'm all for it, except the part that says Drivers between 16 and 19 will be limited to having only one teenage passenger in the vehicle. That sucks so bad man. The whole point of getting your license is to drive your friends around. And what if a teen is at a party and has to drive all his/her drunk friends home? What are they going to do, just leave them there or let them drive home drunk? Teen aged drivers can be really stupid, but I think that's going a bit far. You might as well say they only drive between the hours of 8 am and 4 pm and they can't leave the vehicle at any time. The thing that really bothers me is that a lot of this was started by the father of one of the teens who was killed in the summer in Muskoka, remember? I don't think the graduated licensing system is to blame but more so the parents. He was driving a damn Audi and was partying with his friends. How about you don't let the guy drive a high performance vehicle and let him loose in summer party central and maybe teach him not to drink and drive. This is getting too political. Let's check in on my fake friend Sclark:

"Still nothing here guys. I found a toonie on the ground and I'm thinking of buying some gummi bears. I am really hungry right now folks. Ten minutes ago I thought I saw that wrestler "Edge" but it turned out to be just a really big guy. I asked for his autograph just in case and he told me to scram. Bye!"

Great stuff Sclark, thanks a lot. It's only 2:5o pm and I'm starving. I generally don't eat again until 5 pm. What do I do? Maybe I'll go buy a great bag of chips. Just a real crunchy old bag of damn chips, seasoned to perfection.