November 25, 2008


Favourite chips - Dill
Favourite ketchup - Heinz (duh)
Favourite warm drink - tea
Favourite tree - maple
Favourite toilet - parent's house
Favourite shoe brand - Adidas
Favourite bird - Eagle
Favourite thing - good times
Favourite summer drink - lemonade
Favourite winter drink - lemonade

Check those out short stuff. Those should give you an idea of what to get me for Christmas. I have a lot of fun things to do before the holidays OFFICIALLY arrive. By official I mean that day when Jesus visits the North Pole and him and Santa have their annual soup off. Then they throw the switch and the pine needle covered cross gets lit up with thousands of LED lights. But before that, BEFORE THAT, this is what I will do:

Buffalo Bills game - It's going to be really cold and shitty outside but inside my heart it's going to be warm and flowing and inside my brain it's going to be sports, chili and beers. Inside my pockets are going to be hard candies and extra mitties.

President's Choice Raptors Basketball - Inside the ACC it's going to be bright and warm, but inside my wallet is going to be the usual stuff. I'm going to the game this Friday for a total dudes night where we'll talk about all the latest boobs, developments in tight pants for ladies, gay rumours and beer flavours.

Neil Young - I've never seen Neil L-I-V-E before so it'll be S-I-C-K and when the N-I-G-H-T is over I'll H-A-V-E memories to last a life time. I'll probably treat myself to a pre-show burrito and maybe some fries.

Office party - Our party is set atop the Sutton Place Hotel and everything is free, including the fermented drinks that adults have at get togethers. Two years ago the DJs decided they were going to sing "If I had a Million Dollars" for some reason and needless to say, they failed. Keep in mind this was in no way a karaoke event and I still for the life of me can't figure out why they did that. It would've been better had they performed a spoof version called "If I had a Million Dullards" about hanging out with bunch of idiots, or "If I had a Million Donalds" about hanging out with some cool Donalds. Have you ever tried to come up with your own parody song? You can't go to college for that shit son. Y'all learn it from tha streetz.

Our family also has to go on our yearly goose hunt and potatoe bake and I still have to perform in the church production of "A Christmas Story". This year I'm playing the dad who wins the leg lamp. Good role. Beefy role. I'm trying to get them to add a sex scene with the mom because I don't think the relationship comes out on stage as it does on film. Luckily we have a really open minded director this year. It's someone famous. It's Jason Alexander (!!!!). Don't tell anyone until opening night.


highwaisted said...

good call on the chips and warm drink. winners!

i improved my heckling skills by atleast 57% at the bills game this year.

and omg did you watch the raptors game on friday? reverse alley oop dunk in the last 2 seconds by carter that dinkface.

Duke of Spook said...

That game was total trash! I hate that guy. I'm very excited for the Bills as it's my first NFL experience. Maybe I'll get to play!

highwaisted said...

you will have a fantastic time! i would give you some advice about bringing something to the game here, but i cant think of anything.

dress crazy though. like as crazy as you can. you'll have more fun and you'll fit in better.

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