Hello readers! I'm Gargamel. I'd really like to thank Glenn for allowing me to compose today. I don't get a lot of writing done in my cabin because I'm a scientist who is married to his work.
Speaking of which, I'm not married. My cabin is in an isolated valley somewhere in a small European nation. The only time I get to see girls is when I trek into town for seasonal supplies and the odd treat (gingerbread, candy sticks, raspberry cordial). I spoil myself with a whore at every crescent moon, but at the end of the day I'm looking for love. That's why I'm so pissed off all the time.
I'm strongly considering moving to North America to re-invent myself and find happiness the way the people in the town have. I see them laughing and drinking mead whenever I go and I try to talk to them and make friends but it just doesn't work. They ignore me. Is it my robes? My hook nose? I smell like cats and vinegar, so maybe that's why. I heard a young boy talk about New York City last time I was there and it really got me thinking. He said "Guy, Brooklyn is the place to be now. No one parties in Manhattan anymore. Have you heard the new Yeah Yeah Yeahs? LAAME." I think I'll buy a new hat and some leather boots and move to Brooklyn.
I can probably find a job in a lab somewhere in the city, and if that doesn't work I can sell my homemade ragu sauces on the street. I have quite a few coins saved up so I don't think money will be a problem (at least not right away!). I like that New York is an artistic city, because contrary to popular belief, I'm no philistine. I collect precious stones and write the odd folk song about my work and my yearning for love on my lute, which I am planning to record one day if I get the chance. I need a drummer though.
In conclusion, I'd just like to set the record straight. I'm not that weird. I have some strange habits and bizarre obsessions, but who doesn't? I once knew a guy who was so weird that he ate his own hair. I'm not one to judge, but come on, I'm better than him. Anyone want a cat? I got this cat named Azrael who's going to be a real pain in the ass if I move. Free of charge.
Geeeeez. Sorry about that. I really thought he was going to tell a story. His stories are actually pretty good. No wonder no one likes him. COMPLAIN COMPLAIN COMPLAIN.
Did anyone see Top Chef last night where they were fighting about what a vinaigrette is? Watch that damn show and come back to the comments section and we'll discuss in an immature kind of way. Like we'll talk about hottest girl, gayest guy etc.
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