HOLD THE PHONE, THAT MAN OUTSIDE IS HOLDING A BIG SIGN

Hi there. Nice boots. Are those real eel? You can eat those when you grow out of them or when they go out of style. Probably never will though. Look at those brass buckles. Don't eat those. What's that? They're made of marzipan? You are a piece of work mom.

That paragraph is a distraction!!! LOOK OUT



Okay captains, onto real material. The good stuff, covered in sour powder that coats cherry blasters that take your taste buds on a hang glider ride through the rain forest and you fly down really close to the tree line and sometimes, just sometimes, you can catch a glimpse of a fat bug.

Last night I saw that modern film "I Love You Man" starring some current movie stars. First off, let me take some time to complain about popcorn sizes at AMC theatres. If you want to buy popcorn here are your options:

Small - Literally a cup of popcorn. It's served in a cup. I think.

Medium - A small bag

Large - A gigantic bag

You see, I went to get us seats while that girl Liv got snacks (food (treats)). We had a large debate as the whether to get a medium or a small popcorn, which is a great little thing to eat with a movie. I convinced her to go with the medium because I saved a dollar by using an ancient student card that qualified me for the student rate and the medium was a dollar more so it just made financial sense. When she arrived with the snacks I was mad because I thought they screwed her and gave her a small but then I saw a couple eating corn out of a cup and I realized the system was broken. Unless they just asked for a cup. But I did some solid looking around and I'm pretty sure I'm right. It's all a screw job, because next time I go I'll have to get the large because I don't want the 'medium small', it wasn't enough.

Unlike the popcorn sizes at AMC, the film made sense and was enjoyable. I'd compare it to a spring day that starts with a tray of muffins. You can interpret that any way you like. That's what life is all about brother. Seriously though, I think making someone muffins in the morning is the nicest thing you can do. Coffee? No big deal, everyone does that. Eggs? As normal as cars on the road or gummi worms in the pantry. Cinnamon buns? The good folks at Pillsbury usually handle most of the work. But muffins are so old fashioned and granny-esque and they smell real good but not so good that you freak out like you do with cinnamon buns and not so bad for your teeth or your diabetes. Muffins guy. Make me some. You can eat two or four and it's all good because there's wheat, there's bananas, maybe carrots, some oats if you please. It all adds up to a warm hug on a hot day.

DVD commentary

Whenever I try to write the titles of these, nines times out of ten I think of something involving the word "cheese". Here are some other things with cheese in it a lot: crust at Pizza Hut and entertainment starring Patrick Dempsey. Even that one where he plays a dweeb.