STRAIGHT TALK FROM A SIDEWAYS DUDE

This is going to be a fun little Friday post, I promise. My hope is that you read this, draw your own conclusions, then discuss it further with your pals over the weekend while you bask in what will hopefully be sunny weather and you eat ribs and drink beers.

The best bedrooms in the world were the ones that teenage boys occupied in films from the 1980's. Characteristics included:

- the coolest posters you ever saw (babes, bands etc.)
- enough room to fit a lot of furniture
- a big tv or several tvs
- computers (which at the time were rare. It'd be like if today a teen had a robot who can do anything)
- several secret hiding spots
- some sort of ingenious mechanism that no kid could ever have conceived

Sound familiar?? The ultimate example that most people know would be Ferris Bueller's room, that came complete with a computer, a synthesizer, and an intricate system designed to make people think he was there rather than out in Chicago being a dickhead to his best friend. I hate Ferris Bueller. I like the movie, but I hate him.

Other examples include Fred Savage in "Little Monsters", Matthew Broderick again in "War Games", those dweebs Gary and Wyatt from "Weird Science", and maybe that guy Mike Damone from "Fast Times At Ridgemont High" although I don't think he had a computer so it doesn't really count. Can you think of any more???

A more recent example, continuing the long tradition, would be Shia LaBoeuf's room in "Disturbia". It's the size of a small bungalow and has everything that a kid could ever want, including several skateboards, loads of stereo equipment, a video camera, cool posters and a window that looks directly into the bedroom, and onto the swimming pool of the hottest babe in town. So he's rich right? NO. He lives with his single mother. Maybe she was rich, I don't know, I didn't really pay attention, that movie stinks nuts.

As a boy growing up, seeing these cool rooms was frustrating because I never had the money or technical know how to emulate what I saw. I had a cool ninja poster but that was about it. I found a picture of it!



I wonder who that guy is and what he's doing today. I bet he has like 20 cardboard boxes of these posters in his garage and when a new kid moves into the neighbourhood, the other kids tell him to go steal one and he goes and tries, but the ninja model always catches the new kid in the act, but is soooo nice to them and gives them the poster no problem and makes them green tea and serves moon cakes and sends them on their way with a cool riddle to ponder that will teach them about life.

If I grew up to be that guy I'd be satisfied. But I wouldn't have a box full of posters. I don't know what I'd have. Being the neighbourhood cool dude is very important and is something we all should strive for. Responsibilities include, working on your motorcycle or boat in the driveway, having a dirty old fridge full of beers in the garage, throwing the best BBQs where everyone is invited and continually having hot babes over. And you you have to be nice to kids like I said up there.

Now go forth and do what it is you do today after you read this and when you're in a public bathroom next time, make strange noises, so that whoever is in there with you will have a story to tell his/her friends. I'm gone in a cloud of smoke!