March 23, 2009


Writing these things on Monday mornings are always tough carrots because all I want to do on a Monday morning is lie down on the floor, sprawl out, and howl "noooooooooooooooooo" like a werewolf who realizes that he can't turn back into a werewolf anymore because the spell is over or the moon exploded. This is because the weekend is generally fun and relaxing, while the work week is generally uninteresting and soul crushing. It's not that bad, but for the purposes of entertainment, just imagine that it is.

Here are several variations of a weekend review, as part of my contemporary art project, "Changing Seasons, Changing Minds - Recounting a weekend several different ways in a blog".

First, the standard abridged version talks about Friday:

- came home from work
- nothin' was cookin'
- watched Paradise Hotel and ate poutine

This version is popular with moms on the go and students enrolled in post secondary education who need a quick fix before heading to the quad for stimulating conversation and some hacky sack and/or Frisbee. You can identify the abridged version by the use of the Greek symbol "-" and the use of sentence fragments.

Secondly, for Saturday I present the 15 year old girl version or the overly excited about banal things version:

Oh man! So Saturday, I got up and decided it was a nice day to go eat breakfast somewhere because it's the weekend baby and I didn't want to cook! That's a totally Tuesday thing (cooking). Me and my girly ate some eggs at a great spot and then strolled through Kensington Market where things are sooooooo cool and so multi diverse and exciting and I saw so many people just doing things and smiling and being so good to each other. I played NHL 09 for the next couple of hours, which you all should try because video games aren't just for the nerds anymore or the losers, they're so fun and all the celebs are doing it in Hollywood where all the stuff happens that I want to happen in the world today honey.

THEN I went to Phil's BBQ with a few of my besties to eat meats and talk about all the latest news in the world of my friends which is soooo fun and we don't do it enough and your friends are your soul centre and you should never ignore them and you should support them no matter what happens ever. So exciting! LOL. We went to our friend's house to watch hockey and we had so much fun just chatting and enjoying life and the game of course. Then we watched the last half an hour of Return of the Jedi, where Harrison Ford is an absolute dream and headed off to our favourite club, Ted's, to argue about Battlestar Galatica while I held my hands over my ears because I haven't seen it yet, so funny LOL for sure, LOL all over the place.


That was exhausting. Teens probably type a million times more during the day than we do because they type like that up there and have several computing devices. High school nowadays is probably way different than when you or I went. Do any teens read this? If so, contact me for a new segment called "Teen Talk" where I ask you questions about high school so everyone here over the age of 24 can say "what?! That's crazy! Cell phones in gym class? Computer black boards? Palm Pilot lunch specials? Interface Mead Five Star Notebooks? Internet chalk?"

Finally, Sunday, as interpreted by Michel Gondry

Allo! Je m'appelle Meesheeelll Gondreeeeeeeee. Glenn went to search for lost love and the caliber of the soul again for some new clothes but couldn't find any but he bought the importance of his dinner dat night at the store of dreams. Himself and his star in the sky of the night of kings cleaned their apartment with music in their hearts and dirt in their nails and brains as the soap continued to fizzle down to nothing again showing the cycle that we all go through to get to be complete. Glenn prepared a sumptuous meal that bared his flesh and took him back to Thailand where he's only been in his mind and in his bones and they ate while the birds ached and strained in the Spring chill in the March bog. Glenn then went to the follies show where a man from TSN - The Sports Network was there to present a spectacle of smiles for the people and he had fun before returning home for a slumber of three jewels.

Here's a quick bonus abridge version because Michel is a French weirdo:
- went to find some new clothes but didn't really feel like it
- came home and cleaned everything
- made a Thai curry dish
- went to Sunday Night Live hosted by my favourite Sports Centre personality, Jay Onrait. He's a great man and a funny man
- came home

Today we all learned so much and had so much fun with everything and everyone. Hey that rhymed and I seriously didn't mean it to. That would be a great song for the end of a children's variety show. I'll get working on a pitch based on that rhyme alone. When they pitched "Cheers" all they had was a glass of beer and a playing card. When they pitched "Friends" all they had was a babe who showed her tits big time. How else would it have got on the air?? WHAM. Huge take down of Friends. See you 2 more ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhi.

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