STEAKS ON A PLANE, STARRING HAMUEL L. JACKSON

Yesterday was Monday and usually I have a pretty decent rapport with the dreaded day, but lately they turn me into a guy who hates everything. I don't want to talk to anyone or do anything and physically I usually feel like shit thanks to the liquor and spicy food I consume on weekends. So what can a man do to turn that frown into a fang bearing grin? I haven't figured it out yet, but here are some pending positives that should improve my mood:

1. My birthday - I used to really look forward to April 8 because as someone who grew up in a healthy household, a birthday is only rivaled by a Christmas and maybe a lottery win or a night with 4 babes and 3 pizzas. Everyone is nice to you, people give you things and at least for the first quarter of your life, you feel good because you equate being old with being better and you look forward to the muscles and hair you'll be getting soon. All those remain true, except for the last part because at some point you realize that being young is all amusement parks and hot dog days while being old is exercising, eating right and paying bills. I exaggerate of course, but still, all you people out there who are my age or older understand what I'm saying. You know, Tom Waits, I don't want grow up, that whole thing. In conclusion, I approach my birthday with cautious optimism.

2. Summer time - No duh. I've talked at length about the weather in the fair city of Toronto, and I don't really want to open the can again, but I'm pretty sure I'll be happier once I can retire my jacket for the season and show off my goods to all the summertime girls out there. My goods being my chicken legs and bean arms. They can look but they can't touch!

3. Finally getting around to opening that puzzle box I found in the old man's bookstore that wasn't there anymore when I went back the next day - This one could swing either way. On the one hand, the box could contain the gateway to another dimension where it rains strawberries and the currency is old fingernails, and no one has fingernails but me like if someone here could grow coins instead of fingernails, and instead of grass the ground is covered in stir fry. On the other hand, it could contain something far more evil....




ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

I was lying about number three, there isn't a puzzle box and there's no such thing as Bridge Mixture. Or is there......

MA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

MA HA HA HA HA HA H AH A

MA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...



BOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFF

I was in the laundromat this morning and the only other person in there was this troll man who was wearing a bathing suit. Once he was done his load, he changed into a sweatsuit in front of me and was on his way. To you Troll Man, I say please wait until you get home to change into your cleans. I'm not a judgemental person, but your lesion covered back was the "piss in my coffee" this morning and the vision didn't exactly help the digestion of the already indigestible sausage mcmuffin I had consumed just prior to your little display.