March 30, 2009


If you read this blog a lot in your spare time or even in your important time with your family when your kid's yellin' in your ear for more donuts and you go "hell kid, I only got so much batter", you'll know that I spend a lot of time reporting about the future. This is because I find the idea of the future fascinating, but also because for the first time ever I feel like I live in the future. To realize this all you have to do is pretend you're from the early 1900's and you'll discover some interesting things. Here are some signs that we live in the future that I've meticulously been documenting in my time log for the last couple of weeks. Also in my time log are predictions for the next 34 Kentucky Derbies as well as an ongoing list of the best baby names that I can consult when I end up creating one and be like "no sweat, I got a list" and it'll be like pickin' peaches in Georgia, no problem mon.


Television is already fairly futuristic and in the last few years we've taken further steps toward this by flattening our screens and sharpening our pictures. But if you really want to take in the future that is TODAY then just pay more attention to commercials. First, marvel at all the products out there that we don't need at all and only exist because we're in THE FUTURE. I recently read about some Hollywood beauties who are marketing this eyelash lengthening treatment called "Lattise". Back in the old days people were too busy worrying about fall harvest and the ever present threat of childbirth to even realize they had eyelashes in the first place. If they for some reason did want to lengthen them they'd have to use string, glue and a sturdy man, and not SCIENCE, which is a big part of the future.

Second, just listen to some of the ads on TV and then picture Marty McFly watching them in those movies and you'll say to me "oh yeah." There's this Gatorade commercial I saw that was like "Using science Gatorade fluid replacement energizes your body using electrolytes and carbohydrates giving you the strength of refreshment to compete at your best." It's like a super serum!! There's also this ad for a new kind of golf club that's also like a transformer:

Tell me that's not the future and then check this out:

This 16 year old Japanese girl just signed a pro contract and she throws a sidearm knuckle, proving that the Japanese are always at the forefront of the future and that baseball is real stupid if a 16 year girl can play no problem.

For those of you in Toronto, all you have to do to see the future is to look at the CN Tower at night. It looks like a space station. Again, to fully realize this you have to pretend you're from the past because you probably see that thing ever day and say "pshhhhhh look at that old bird."

And finally, the ultimate future tool, THE INTERNET, which gets more and more futuristic every day. I didn't retain a lot of the knowledge I learned in university, but this one teacher told that the telephone, which brought about a world revolution, has been around for over a century and it hasn't really changed all that much. You talk into it and someone else listens and then talks. The Internet on the other hand has been around for maybe 15 years (home use, not like 1979 Cal Tech Steve Jobs use) and it's changed and evolved a TON and people find new uses all the time.

There are probably a lot more signs of the future, but this blog isn't a novel and I don't have time to go through everything. I could've talked about Barack Obama because he's futuristic, but I think this brief mention in the conclusion will fully suffice. See you in the future (today)!

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