THE WEEK THAT WAS PART 3: A LOT OF TALK FOR ONE TRIP

Are there any current events worth mentioning? I feel I need to stay current to please the teens. How about that Jimmy Fallon? A bit of a rocky start, but I think he'll do well. It's too bad that late night talk shows have such a set format. You'd think one of these days they'd mess around a bit. Mess around Jimmy, that's your strength! Let's continue the journey that I took last week:

DAY 5 - Some local culture

Since New York is full of museums and art galleries we figured we might as well see one and decided on the Museum of Modern Art (MOMA or MuMoMart or ModMart ). By this point in the week our partying and lack of sleep had caught up with us so we weren't exactly thrilled to be walking slowly around a large, quiet indoor space, but we saw some good stuff nonetheless.

Here's a picture of Andy in front of Warhol's the Mona Liza or whatever that is by whoever.

That sentence represents the enthusiasm we shared while at the gallery. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate art, but in order to appreciate it I need to be peppy and full of breakfast, instead of tired and full of one banana, which was all I had eaten all day. I think I had more fun watching the people looking at the art, like this arty couple. The guy looked like Weird Al and after analyzing the shit out of a painting they'd make out for awhile then move on and do it all again.

That evening was our big dinner at Bobby Flay's Mesa Grill. Myself and Andy had been talking about going to this restaurant for a long time since we've always been big Bobby fans all the way back to the "Grillin' and Chillin'" days. If you don't know what I'm talking about, how about you use the Internet, which you're already using, do some research and come back, otherwise you won't get the full experience and you might learn something along the way about restaurants and southwest flavours.

I stupidly didn't take pictures of the food, but here's a shot of the bar with flame decorations. I had Creamy Wild Mushroom Grits and Grilled Mahi Mahi with Roasted Pineapple Cascabel Chile Sauce and Carmelized Pineapple - Green Onion Salsa. Was it good? Sign up for my fan club and find out. Members also receive a monthly newsletter full of fun, games, recipes and exclusive pictures and interviews, and a fan club patch featuring my logo:



But yeah, it was sooooo good. Everyone loved everything and then it was off to see some authentic NYC comedy at the legendary Comedy Cellar.

Some of the comics were quite good, especially this one guy whose name I can't remember and this other guy named John Mulaney who you'd all like I'm sure. But toward the end of the night when the place was clearing out, the comics got worse and worse and more and more the mic was being used as a dick and we left before the last guy finished. He called us computer guys or something as we were leaving because we were in our Sunday best in honour of Bobby and his food and then he took a stab at the way I was walking which was a bit of a strut (something I tend to do). I spit in his face and then finished his set for him. Actually I just walked away, no big deal guy. I'm so thirsty right now.

DAY 6 - Pick up sticks, hang at Rick's

We started the day at the Nintendo World store that by no means blew my balls to outer space. The coolest part was the display case with a bunch of Nintendo history in it. Otherwise it just felt like a section in Wal Mart. So don't go there when you go to New York unless you're way into Nintendo, but even if you are, you'll probably have the exact same reaction as me. In fact, I dare you to go. If you're tits are blown off with excitement then I owe you some Smarties.

It was then time for Stein to live his dream of playing the big piano at FAO Schwarz a la Tom Hanks in that movie 'BIG' about a kid who grows up and then becomes a kid again and when he's a big guy he bangs but he's only 13, so that's cool and gross.

And here he is, surrounded by children, realizing the dream.

Then we went to Central Park:

See? Central Park. Those are the stairs where King Kong got married in the 1950's. Just kidding. In Home Alone 2 Kevin McAllister hid in a trunk down there I think.

On the way back to home base we cut through the Upper East Side where the Gossip Girls live and there was honestly a candy store situated right beside a Puppy Dog store. No joke. It wasn't a pet store. Exclusive puppies. Imagine how many kids cry outside of those store because they can't have a puppy and some candy? Then again, that area is so wealthy that kids get puppies every time they pass. And some Reese's Pieces at the candy store.

We caught a train to Long Island to catch the Leafs vs. the Islanders in a battle of two really shitty teams. Perhaps because of this we got seats in the first row right behind the penalty box, allowing us to do this...

...any time the Islanders got a penalty. As a big hockey fan, I was very enthused with the access I got to the time keeper's box:

There's a phone! TWO PHONES!!! Anyway, the game was fantastic and the Leafs won again in a shootout. I'll probably never have seats as good as those, so you've now had access to a treasured memory. This whole trip will be treasured actually, along with the time I killed a hawk with one hand and the time I discovered that colds can be cured by reading MAD Magazine and eating beans made by Heinz, earning me the Nobel Prize in 1992.

As they say in North American workplaces, "I'll see you tomorrow". It'll be the last day of New York recaps and then we'll get back to our regularly scheduled program, "Henry Knows Breast" about a dad who has three daughters all with big cans and he's also a plastic surgeon who does breast surgery. Is that already a show? That joke has been made before I think. It sounds familiar. Sorry if it has, I didn't mean to.