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May 14, 2009

ATTENTION BUSINESS/FINANCIAL/SPORTS EDITORS:

Travel week continues today, with a special feature called "My Favourite Places I've Never Been". I hope you enjoyed yesterday's interview with animal expert and world traveler Jack Hannah, who revealed he will NOT be appearing in Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen, as originally reported by People magazine. Travel week continues tomorrow with the Summer Cottage Special with do it yourself renovation tips from former Toronto Blue Jay and current boat owner, Rob Ducey, as well as some wholesome cottage recipes courtesy of the Ontario Meatball League.

My Favourite Places I've Never Been

In theory I love to travel. It's always been my philosophy that if we're limited to stay on planet Earth at this point in human history thanks to a lack of civilian space travel, we might as well enjoy every inch of it. But when I travel I usually get stressed and don't end up enjoying the trip to its fullest extent. Don't cry for me. That being said, there are areas of Earth that I think I'd really enjoy, and most of them are fairly obvious because I'm no Carmen Sandiago when it comes to geography.

Australia

No duh. Even though this place is home to some of the wildest beasts, hottest weather and worst sports, most people would agree it's a #1 vacation destination thanks to its colourful population, pristine beaches, total babes and funny accents. Australians are like a mix between Californians, Canadians and Brits, which are my three of my favourites so I'm willing to bet I'd have a good time. I think the only way I'd be able to go to is if I got on one of those planes where the seats can be beds because a 17 hour flight is too long and I have big time trouble sleeping in tin birds.

Egypt

It must have been my dad who instilled a wonderment with history inside my brain. One of my favourite parts of a trip is exploring the history of the area, visiting famous spots and feeling awesome. That's why I want to go to Egypt, which is a place that was once ruled by cat worshipping magical kings and a hot babe and by night was haunted by real mummies. The Pyramids are like Stonehenge combined with the CN Tower and they still look pretty good unlike the shitty Coliseum of Rome. The only thing about Egypt is that all I really want to see is the Sphinx, the Pyramids and the Nile, so I'll have to read up on its restaurant and club scene to make sure it's up to snuff before I commit.

Japan

Two of my cousins once went to Japan and assured me that it's everything you'd hope it would be - totally weird and totall awesome. My uncle used to go all the time for work and he'd bring back strange things like video phones and video games about farting. I can get down like that. It also seems to be the most Western friendly of all East Asian nations, which for a guy who likes adventure, but not a whole lot of adventure, is a good thing.

Honourable mention goes to Italy, Africa and Thailand.

Before I go to any of these places I figure I should see all of Canada first, because it's my home and native land. Then again, once you've seen Windsor, you've seen it all!

2 comments:

cara said...

speaking of video games about farting, but not really, heidi brought me a pair of socks from korea that have a cartoon guy on them who's stripping and his butt cheeks are on either side of a stripping pole. on SOCKS. i haven't worn them.

Duke of Spook said...

WEAR THOSE IMMEDIATELY

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